Mother Of the Twins

Life was hard. There was too much sun in the summer, too much snow in the winter, too much rain in the spring, and not enough in the fall. Everything was scanty, everything was wanting, everyone was hungry. It was every man for himself. Kill or be killed. I love you for what you can give me. It could be tough out there for a person, unless you had someone to watch your back.
Life was hard...but a few things made it better...
A mistake, that's what he called them: an 'unfortunate circumstance,' but that's not what they were. She knew better. The twins were a gift. Proof that good can always be found, even in the worst. They were different from her, she knew that. They would always be different. But what did that matter? Vax and Vex were her children, she could love them anyway. They made life better...Just a bit, not much, but enough to make it all worth it...
And she loved them. Love, such a totally inadequate word to describe something so indescribable. She'd never been in love before, she'd fancied herself in love, she'd harbored the idea for a moment. A glimpse, such a brief flash of time. A glimmer of white in the darkness. But it wasn't love. He didn't love her anymore than she loved him. He might have the decency to acknowledge her claim upon him, but that wasn't love, that was only... condescension...
Something so unattainable, yet she loved them. She knew it the moment she saw them. The first time she saw their faces, after all the hours of pain, after all the months of misery. They were so small, so weak, so fragile, they would shatter apart with the slightest breath of air. But they were so beautiful. She fell in love with them.
It was terrible to loose something you loved. It was a slow, torturously slow, lingering kind of pain. The sharpest misery she'd ever felt. She could feel it now: fighting to break out of her. It wanted to weep, it wanted to tear itself in pieces, it wanted scream in agony. But it couldn't, because it was love.
She couldn't punish them with her pain. 
So she buried it deep inside, underneath a trapdoor, underneath a mile of earth, underneath a mountain range, and smiled instead. She smiled and thought of them, because she was in love, and she lived for them. They were her children, she loved them! She couldn't help it.
"Now you both behave like good children. You respect your elders, you treat others the way you want them to treat you, be teachable, be polite, and behave just like I've taught you."
She said this, just to be saying something. That slow pain wanted to claw it's way out, and silence was harder to bear than meaningless words. For the same reason she kept her face averted from them, even though she wanted to savor them, wanted to take hold of them and never let go. But that was another kind of lingering pain. Distraction was easier.
"I know you both are going to learn so much! You'll both get lots of learning, and put your old mother to shame!" Ah, how long would this pain last...How long before she couldn't bear anymore? Her hands were shaking so badly she almost cut herself with the bread knife.
"I don't want to go, I want to stay with you!"
Vex, vex, I want that too. My breath, my life, my soul, of course I want that too...
"Hush girl, don't you worry! I know you'll like it! You'll see. Both of you are so smart, you'll just drink up knowledge there, they have so much more to give you."
She couldn't take any more of this. This was agony. But it was love. She was in love, and she had to take it, there was no other choice. That was how love was. And she was almost there now, she just had to last a little longer. Just a little longer. Such a short time! It was all running out so fast. Already she had braided Vex'ahlia's hair into pigtails, already she had made Vax re-wash his still dirty face, already she had finished cutting the bread and cheese, already she had tied it into two linen bundles. Could it be almost over already?! Where had it all gone.
"Now here's your dinner for the road, careful not to spill it. Remember to behave yourselves, be respectful of your father, and don't ever forget to say please and thank you. Now give your mother a hug. I love you both, don't ever forget that."
At once they obeyed her, so readily, so eagerly. There was no resisting then. The tears had to come, and she wept. She could feel them so close to her. Their pain mingling with her own: Vax still trying to resist, trying to be manly, while Vex openly sobbed. Their pain cut far more deeply than her own did. She was in love, she lived for them.
And so soon it was over, so soon she was pulling away. Only a few moments left, those brief precious moments. Already she had her hands on Vex's shoulders, she had cupped her hands around her daughter's face. And then she had her palms pressed over Vex's ears, those slender elven ears that made her so different from her mother. She had her fingers tangled in her daughter's hair, she had her lips pressed against her daughter's forehead. And that was hers. No one else kissed Vex there.
"You take care of Vax for me. He's your brother, he'll need you to take care of him. I'm trusting you Love, be a good sister, and watch over him for me." 
"I will."
So few left, those last fleeting seconds. They were trickling through her fingers so fast, she struggled to make them last. In a moment they would all be gone. In a moment she would have already caressed Vax's face, in another she would have already run her fingers through his hair--so long and black like his twin's--and gloried for one moment in that last touch.
"I want you to protect your sister. Don't ever let her get so far away from you that you can't help her, and you stand up for her, understand? You fight her battles. She's your sister, you look out for her."
A last kiss, lingering on the forehead like she had with Vex. She had never thought she could feel so much pain in a kiss. It meant 'I love you,' this kiss, it meant 'I love you more than life itself.' It was the final instant, the last of all the precious seconds, but it seemed to go on forever. At last, at last, the one moment that endured, that drew out for an eternity.
Then she was drawing away, she was leading them outside. Out into the cooling air of a sunset, into a sky that was bleeding. And he was there, he was leading them away, his attendants were lifting them onto a horse. They were so small, sitting on its back. So small, so fragile, they would shatter with the slightest breeze.
"Sildor take care of them, please, please, take care of them."
So cold, this elven man who didn't love her, so distant as he drew away without speaking. He was so cold, he would kill them with his coldness. Oh god, let him love them. Please somehow make him love them. I love them so much, these children, his children, I love them.
I love them more than life itself...