You sitting at your desk. You know it's time to go. You said that to yourself over a million times, but this time you know for sure, is real.
Your tired, you just so very tired. Your parents pissed you off. As if school wasn't bad enough today. You go to get the rope, or the knife, or the gun, or just whatever you choose to use because you're that desperate to leave.
You're ready. You think of it as some game. "The first one dead, is the first one who wins".
No one is home, it's the perfect time. You're ready, if you don't do it know, you're just going to look down at yourself even more than ever. You're going to hate yourself even more.
No one knows, no one will know. Not until later on. Instead of getting a paper and a pen, you get the video camera along with a wooden chair. You're standing on the chair, you decided to go with the rope. You'll be gone in a wink and there'll be no noise.
One side of the rope is tide to the top of your fan, while the other already around you neck. You're in tears and you know it's for real this time. You can feel it.
You turn on the video camera and you stare at that red light blinking upon your eyes. You start to mumble out a few words.
"Mom, dad, i'm sorry. I don't know why i'm sorry but i'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore, I don't even know who I am anymore. I've lost myself and I seem to not to be able to find my way back. Please don't blame yourself please. I love you both, please tell my siblings the same. Stay strong and stay safe. I'll see all of you all soon."
You say sorry to your best friends because you know you won't be there for them anymore. Especially when they need you more than ever. You say sorry to everyone you can think of, even yourself. You're sorry for not being strong anymore. You're sorry for breaking down. You're sorry for putting them through so much pain in their life. You stare once again at that red light blinking upon your eyes.
One foot is off the chair now. As you begin to mouth the word 'good-bye'. You have the remote control to turn off the camera. And your right hand, your pointer finger on the off button already. You click that button and as soon you see that light go off, you go off. Both feet are now off the chair, that chair is on the floor. The room is filled with silence. You're dead, you gone, there is no going back! Everything is over, you don't have to live in pain anymore.... But ever one else will. What are your parents going to think? What about your little brother? Or your little sister? What are they going to do?
You're gone, your dead, there's no going back. You ended your life because that person you liked only thought of you as a friend? You ended your life because that one teacher was harder on you than anyone in the class because she knew you were the only one going somewhere in life.
Your parents are home now, they call your name telling them that they're home. Just like they normally do when they're home. But something's different, you don't answer, they don't hear your voice. They get worried, you always answers. They come up stairs thinking you're sleeping or showering. Your mom opens the bedroom door and screams at the top of her lungs. She instantly passes out. You little sister hears her and comes after her. She screams "Daddy, help!" She runs over to you, hitting your leg begging you to wake up. "Wake up. Wake up, please stop wake up!"
But you don't answer. You're not waking up. You're gone, you're dead, there is no "waking up", there's no going back. Your dad comes running upstairs and all he can do is stare. He watches his baby girl swing back and forth on a rope. He sees the video camera and he sees the chair. But he doesn't move, he as stiff as a board. He cries, you dad never cries. He picks up the phone and calls 911. He can barely get the words "My daughter is dead" out of his mouth. He's in tears. You little sister stares at your dad. He hangs up and she jump right into your dadd'ys arms. Crying harder than ever. She's too young to understand completely but she understands you're gone. She knows you're dead and she knows that you're never coming back. Everything is over.
The cops finally arrive. They take your mom out of your room, they push your dad and sister out of your room and now they are sitting in the living room. The cops take you body of the rope and lay you on the stretcher. They cover your body and out you go. Just like that, in a blink of an eye everything happened and everything is over. You're gone, you're dead, there is no going back. Nothing is the same.
Two weeks have past and your mom still stare out the window for half the day, sometimes the whole day. You little sister still hasn't returned to school. Your dad was forced to go to work so he could pay for your week and your funeral. Eventually they found the strength to go back to your room.You door hasn't been open for two months. The rope is still laying on the floor the same place the cops left it. And the video camera is still sitting on the table. They don't even dare to watch that video. It will never be seen. They slowly pick up the rope and throw it in the garbage. Chills running up their spines. Your mom basically in tears. They brush off your bed, making it neat. Just like they used to do every morning after you went to school. Your desk was empty, it didn't have those little sticky notes you used to leave before you ran to catch the bus saying "Have a good day Mom, remember to smile." Or " Have fun at work Dad :)".
You pretended to be so happy. You even tricked yourself. Your bed was made and your room was cleaned. They shut the door and it remained shut.
Your school is still under stress. You thought no one cared. You thought no one noticed you...
You remember that girl that said 'no' to be your lab partner? Yeah, she cuts every single night now because she thinks it's her fault that you died. Or did you remember that boy that tripped you by accident but looked at you and didn't say sorry? He now takes suicidal therapy, five day a week in the hospital because he thought that a smile could have saved your life and he didn't give that to you. Do you remember that teacher that was hard on you that day? She quit her job because she thought she wasn't suited to teacher anymore. You're gone, you're dead. There is no going back...
Four years have past now. Your little sister is now 15 years-old. She started a club. It's in her school dedicated to you. "Secrets" is what she called it. The club is formed for kids to speak their hearts without anyone judging them. They can say anything they wanted to and say anything they needed to. If they were suicidal, they always had someone to talk to. That was your problem, you didn't want to talk to anyone. You had everything bottled inside of you. You acted as if you were the happiest kid on the planet and you acted as if you had the perfect life. You played that "Happy Character" so well that even you started to believe it. You acted so happy all day and as soon as you layed in bed at night, the thoughts came back. A little fight between your parents could have set you off. But with everything bottled up for years, you just hit the limits.
You're gone, you're dead. There is no going back. Your room will never be occupied. Your mom still cries every single night. Your dad isn't as strong as he used to be. Your little sister will never grow up with you by her side moving her in the right direction. She needed you. Your best friends are still torn up, they needed you. Your parents don't know what to do anymore, they needed you. A school now has a club dedicated to you so they won't make the same mistake as you did.
Your life was precious and you took it away in a blink of an eye.
All you needed was a smile, that's all you needed to show you that everything will be okay. But since you're gone, just know people cared. People always had cared and people always will care. You were just way too upset to see that. You were just to caught up in the fact that you thought no one cared. When the truth was more than enough people cared for you more than you even thought they would. And you know what sucks? It suck that you see that now that you're gone and you didn't see that when you where her. Your town will never be the same. A girl is gone, a specail girl. A girl who thought no one cared. Everyone cared, I promise you. They cared, they always have cared and they always will care. They loved you and no matter what, they will still always love you...
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This does not belong to me. I got this from Nikki Costantino . She is an amazing Youtuber and if you guys have a big problem on suicidal or thing like that, you must go to her. She's amazing.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this peice of whatever you want to call this...
REPEAT THIS DOES NOT BELONG TO ME SO PLEASE DON'T GO TO THE COMMENT AND START A GIANT SHITSTROM.
Thank you and have a good day/night.
Love, hazza_harry
