the first wave(kellic)

the first wave

You know that wave of depression people get sometimes and all of a sudden there just sad like they could cry for hours, well for me that's just the first wave. it's like everything I do isn't what I want everything that happens just sucks I wanna curl up in a ball and die

but it get a worse.

I get the thoughts all the bad thoughts just bombard, my entire body just hurts and I just don't know how to go on but I can't try and end it because I'm to afraid of failing

atleast that's what I thought at first but it kept getting worse and worse to the point self harm didn't help so I kept going no matter how hard I tried to stop I couldn't

and the worst part is he doesn't Evan know what he's done to me.

I just flipped and stoped caring all together so now here I am my legs dangling off the edge

I stood up and looked down took a deep breath and let one up but ofcorse pair of arms grabbed me

"what the FUCK!" I screamed "why can't I die just let me die" I started yelling as I struggled against the mysterious person he would let go "this is my choice I wanna die" I yelled and that's when I broke down crying "I just wanted to die" I said falling to the ground the person followed and hugged me without saying anything they just tried calming me down with quiet 'shhh's'

I stoped crying and kept looking down some random stranger I didn't Evan know had to see Me like this I sighed and just silently let the tears fall

"k-kellin" the voice said but not just any voice it's a familiar voice one I could never mistake

vics...

me and Vic have been friends for a long time a really long time only problem was he lives in LA California and I lived Michigan

so we were internet best friends he was the highlight of my day he was always there considering my home life wasn't so great and nether was my school life I dicided to have an internet one. which worked out I guess

"Kellin please talk to me" he pleaded I looked up and that's when I knew it was real "v-vic?" I said crying more "I didn't want you too see me like this I I I just wanted it all to stop everything it all hurts I can't get it to go away" I cried harder and he pulled me closer I just cried into his chest "shh it's okay" he whispered to me softly

there was one problem...

I liked Vic more than anyone could imagine it's just unbeliveable

"do u wanna talk about it" he asked I didn't move I just stayed were I am I didn't have the energy to do anything but Vic just talked again "do you want a bath or something" he asked quietly I nodded that sounds fine I mean it was cold and wet out here. he sighed and stood up holding his hand out I grabed it and he walked me back into the building

"which room is yours" he asked looking around "182" I said blinking some tears away

he nodded and took me there it was a nice apartment big enough for me and my dad Evan if he wasn't home much it was. Vic went into my room and grabbed my clothes. I guess he played attention when I walked around as we skyeped. I sighed and walked into the bathroom Vic ran the water and I just Sat there hugging my nees

why was Vic so nice to me I mean I'm a random stranger that he met in the internet. Vic turned to me with sad eyes

"cause I care" he said to me " I said that out loud ?" he nodded "you do that a lot actually" he looked at my again and sitting next to me. he moved a little and grabbed my hand I blushed a little and held it back

"I remember one time you were talking to me and you accidentally called me cute" he said chuckling "then after I made a big deal about it going on about all the things that made you cuter than me" he went on while he played with my fingers I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder and it went silent again

"I hope you know you could have talked to me" he sighed out I nodded

"yes but I didint Like seeing sadness or disappointment in your eyes, besides you worried to much about me" I said looking down again why was he holding my hand I have no idea! Mabey it's just a way of comfort. I sighed and looked at him

"Kellin I'm always going to worry about you" he said running his thumb over my hand again "your my best friend its my job" I nodded against him "can I take that bath now I asked him still not moving he nodded and got up looking at me "and you'll be okay by yourself" he asked I thought about it for a minute

"I'm not sure" I said standing up "but If I need you I'll call you in here okay?" I Said smiling lightly then going back to a strait face he nodded "I'll be right outside in your room" and with that he left I took my shirt off and looked at myself in the mirror "bruises" I mumbled before looking at my arms they were all cut and scared I just kept looking an eventually I broke down and just kept looking at myself "why" I mumbled

"why did he stop me" I kept mumbling

"hay Kellin are you okay" Vic asked knocking lightly "y-yes" I shuddered but am I okay, no, no I'm not okay and I don't think anything will ever be okay "are you sure" he asked worried again

"I don't know" I said as I just continued looking at myself "Kellin I'm coming in" he said I quickly grabbed my shirt putting it back on and Vic covered his Eyes

I looked at my feet "you can look now" I mumbled he looked up at me and sighed "why" was all he could manage to say I looked away from his gaze "there's so meant things you don't know" I said quietly " like what kellin" he asked seriously he needs to stop worrying I sighed in defeat

and pulled my shirt off

and quietly under his breath I could hear 3 words that I probably wasn't ment to hear but I still did

"your still beautiful"

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hay guys I was bored and decided to start another story but I mean it's obviously going to be triggering so I wouldmy move on if your triggered easily. I don't want this to be a sad story it's just how I want you guys to know if you ever feel depressed or are having thoughts about suicide or self harm I just want you to know u can talk to me. ,,