'I can't fucking do this anymore' I spoke out loud to myself. Then Ray appeared next to me as if my words had beckoned him.
"Don't worry Gerard, tour will be over soon any you'll be able to see Lindsey and Bandit." he softly spoke, trying to comfort me. He didn't get it. He just didn't get it. I love touring, as much as I miss Bandit, Lindsey and the stability of being home, it was the band breaking everyone down and tearing them part. I needed to get the thoughts off my chest so I did exactly that, to an shocked yet relieved Ray.
"I don't mean the tour, Ray. I mean the band. You've been on the edge of leaving for years, Mikey is beyond depressed again, Frank is missing his kids and is torn apart by our sadness and I've turned to drugs again. I mean, come on! Jason is only recording Fake Your Death with us and he looks like he's about to throw himself of the Empire State building every time he's with us! The entire band is a toxic fucking mess! Our shows aren't filled with passion, we're not filled with passion. Staying in this band is making us all hollow." Everyone sat, dumbfounded but they all bowed their heads, shamefully agreeing.
"You're right." Frank said. "None of us are healthy, the five of us are dying. You don't think we should end the tour for an extended break, do you?" He was rocking back and forth, his fingers fiddling nervously as his gaze found the floor again. Mikey looked out of the window the to me and sighed as Ray sat next to him to which he leaved into, resting his head on Ray's shoulder.
"I think it's time we called it a day, the band I mean. We've been going for 12 years and that's had its ups and downs but now we're all fucking dying inside because of it." I weeped, they all knew that I was right - they couldn't expect us to just go on, having every good thing about us sucked out of us.
March 22nd 2013
Dear Diary,
The last 12 years is over, no more My Chem, no more touring with my friends, no more concerts with the boys, no more exciting after parties and no more messing around on stage for the fans. No more heart ache, no more homesickness, no more drugs, no more depression, and no more neglect.
My Chemical Romance is done, but it can never die; because it's not a band it is an idea. Xoxo G.
