Hold My Heart

Part Seventeen

September 18th.

A week. A month. An eternity.

I regret leaving now.

I haven’t slept well. I have a hard time eating. I can’t fucking think straight. I’m not happy anymore.

My back aches. I’ve thrown up almost every morning. I need Vic more than I thought.

He’s called me hundreds of times but I never answer. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what he’s going to say.

I want him back in my life more than anything, but I’m not ready to face him.

I’m three months pregnant now and it’s not as fun as you think it would be.

I miss the boys like crazy and I never realized how much I need them in my life.

I’ve practically dropped off the face of the earth.

I look at my window in the bedroom and see that it’s dark now.

With every bit of energy I have I get off my bed and grab my keys to get the mail.

I unlock the front door and walk down to the mailbox.

My hand automatically goes to my stomach when I walk anymore.

It’s crazy to think that this is Vic’s and my baby.

I unlock my mailbox and grab all the mail inside.

As soon as I’m back in the house I flip through it.

Suddenly there’s a black envelope with my name written on it.

My eyebrows push together and I open it.

Inside is a VIP pass and a note.

‘You promised you’d come. You better be here tonight.

-Mike’

I glance at the pass and see it’s for PTV.

“Fuck.” I groan tossing my head back.

I look at the time on the pass. 7:40 pm.

I quickly glance at the clock; 7 pm.

“God dammit.”

I walk back to my bedroom and quickly go through my clothes.

I grab the last pair of jeans that fit me and a white long sleeved shirt.

I slide on my boots and run a brush through my hair.

Looking at my appearance I see the necklace Vic gave me on my neck still.

I touch it and twirl it through my fingers.

It’s sad I never took it off.

On my way out I grab my phone, keys, and of course the pass.

I drive down to the venue and park.

Do I really want to do this?

Fuck it.

I get out of my car and make my way inside.

Music blasts through the empty hallways as I make my way to the side stage. Thank god they’re already performing.

“Sarah?” I hear behind me.

I spin around and see Jack and Alex.

“Oh. Hey guys.” I mumble.

I forgot that they’re touring with them.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Alex asks hugging me.

“I um. I…I needed time to myself.” I say trying to collect my thoughts.

“Are you…?” Alex trails off pointing to my stomach.

I place my hand on my stomach and rub small circles.

“Yeah.” I say smiling.

A burst of happiness goes through me. This is the first time I’ve felt happy since I left.

“Are you and Vic still together? No one’s answering questions about it.” Alex mumbles.

“I don’t know. I think I broke up with him.”

“You think?” Jack and Alex say in sync.

“Well I haven’t talked to him in like a month and I kinda just left. So I’m pretty sure we’re not together. Like I think he hates me at this point.”

They both frown at me and I sigh.

“I’m gonna go watch them. I’ll talk to you guys later.” I say with a small smile.

They nod and I head to the right side of the side stage.

I look at all four of them playing their hearts out to Hell Above.

We’ll I got here super fucking late if they’re already on this song.

Hell Above is usually the second to last song they play.

Jaime and Tony energy as usual but their eyes look sad. Mike’s giving as much energy as usual but his eyes look dull. But Vic…he just looks so sad and tired. He’s usually so filled with energy on stage and is usually the one everyone else feeds energy off of. I fucking ruined him.

Jaime runs back over to his spot and sees me.

His eyes go wide and I just hold my finger to my mouth.

He looks down at my stomach and smiles a little.

They finish up Hell Above and the boys get water on stage and switch the instruments.

I just watch them. The only one who knows I’m here right now is Jaime.

I glance at Mike and he looks right at me.

A huge smile goes across his face and his eyes light up.

He mouths my name to me and I smile at him.

His eyes shift to my stomach and he smiles more.

I glance at Vic and see him putting his strap on his acoustic guitar.

Jaime and Tony give their instruments to their techs and Mike throws out his drum sticks.

Fuck this means that the three of them are coming off stage and that Vic is performing the song he wrote for and about me.

“This song is for anyone who’s going through a rough time. This song has helped me out a lot this past month or so. I hope you all can find happiness one day. This goes out to anyone who can say that music has saved their life.” Vic says into the microphone.

The crowed erupts in clapping but it goes silent after that.

Vic strums the first few cords and then starts singing.

Mike walks off the opposite side but runs to the side I’m on.

“Sarah I missed you so fucking much.” Mike shouts hugging me.

“Wait did he say Sarah? Like our Sarah?” I hear Tony ask.

Tony and Jaime appear and I’m wrapped in their embrace almost immediately.

Jaime touches my stomach and smiles.

“Who’s got the baby in the oven?” he says smiling.

“What?” I ask laughing.

“I didn’t mean to say it that way.”

“I can tell. God I missed you guys.” I say smiling a bit.

‘Why did you leave?” Tony asks.

“I’ll explain if everything works out alright with Vic. But right now I just want to watch Vic.” I say.

They all nod and walk off.

I walk closer to the edge and listen to him.

I glance down at the front row and see a couple of girls pointing at me.

“Darling, you’ll be oh-.” Vic sings as he follows the fans fingers.

He sees me and just stops singing.

He doesn’t look happy or angry. Just shocked.