All Eyes

All Eyes||Chapter Thirteen

Grinding bodies and the smell of alcohol was enough of a distraction to stop me from thinking about her.

And I don't know why I so suddenly wished to forget about her and the memory of her eyes,

Her cherry lips,

Her sweet scent,

Her dilated pupils.

But I do, and I don't care what's the reason.

So I found myself the following day driving my truck on a cold December night down to a party I knew was at some guy's place that goes with me to school.

Which I hadn't attended in over a week.

I sighed, trying to engulf in all the moving bodies and the strong scents, blinking every so often to try and adjust my vision to the changing lights.

And I couldn't help but think about how lame this party was, and how Darcy wou-

I need to fucking stop thinking about her.

I grumbled furiously under my breath as I shoved my way in between people and towards the bathroom, ditching my empty beer can on the way.

And as soon as I stumbled drunkenly in there I shut the door behind me, locking it and sighing before sliding down on the cold, tiled floor. My head banging against the wooden door behind my back with a silent thud as I did so.
And I didn't feel any pain.

I didn't feel anything at all.

The memory of her eyes was vivid in my mind.

Burning in the back of my head,

Floating around my line of sight.

And I began shaking my head violently, remembering what the doctor said about letting go.

Which I seemed to fail at.

Like any other thing I attempt to do.

My arms were wrapped tightly around my shins as I took deep breaths, the obnoxious, ugly, music seeping from underneath the door and flooding around my ears.

And after a few minutes of heavy breathings and panting, I rummaged around in my pockets, fishing out the box of cigarettes and taking out the last one before throwing the pack in the bin next to the toilet seat.

I lit it shortly after, inhaling in the burning nicotine and trapping it in my lungs, the warmth immediately enveloping my chest in its tight embrace.

And I let out a sigh of relief.

My eyes wandered around the white bathroom, taking in the dim light and the spacious shower, and I found myself wondering who's party it was.

Because most definitely I was not welcome.

I stretched out my legs in front of me, thudding the heel of my boot against the white tiles and staining them with mud as I kept on glancing out of the window above the sink, where orange lights kept on flashing in and out.

My drunken eyes focused on a box of shaving razors, staring at the twinkling blades with so much longing.

My drooping eyelids closed for a few seconds, my breathing hitching in my throat.

I walked in the bathroom across my bedroom. The same bathroom where dad and Darcy....

I slammed the door shut behind me and locked it before walking directly to the sink, turning the tap on and watching the water splash around. Shaking, I stared at my reflection in the mirror and I felt angst rush through my veins.