Momentum (Completed)

Chapter Thirty Three: Taboo

(Nephele)

As usual I found Lyra in her room, sitting on the bed staring blankly at the ceiling. Every time I came to see her a small part of me died; the small joys only came when I managed to forget what she was going through, but I even felt bad doing that. She needed me right now. "Hi." I said, sitting down next to her. She didn't answer; she didn't even blink. I cleared my throat and tried something else. "We should go out, Lyra. Get some fresh air, maybe?"

"I suppose," she said quietly, lowering her still-blank gaze to make eye contact, which was a wonder in itself.

"Lexio is worried about you." I said, pushing my luck.

"Lexio doesn't love me anymore," she said bluntly. I raised an eyebrow.

"And you say I'm bad at reading people? Of course he loves you." It bothered me how little emotion she was showing while she talked about her brother as if it was perfectly normal to think he disliked her.

"He left me."

I shifted uncomfortably. What could I say? It was true; Lexio had left her. He'd left everyone, even Areana and I. He was almost as blank as Lyra sometimes, except he was rude about it. So again, I changed subject. "Imara said he'll come up and see you if you're up to it?"

"If you want," she muttered.

"No, its if you want."  She gave me a slow blink.

"All I want is Dolosus, but he left me too."

"Lyra, its not healthy to sit up here all day hoping for something that can't change the past."

"I'm not hoping for anything."

I tried really hard to keep my cool, and I mean really hard. I was being gentle with her because I was afraid that if I was too rough she'd snap. "Not even to get better?"

"Felix told me I was doing better," she replied.

Felix is lying. That's what I wanted to say. In fact, that's what I really wanted to say, but again I bit my tongue and lied. "You are... but we're not quite there yet." She was quiet for several minutes before finally whispering,

"Why did she do this to us? It hurts so bad..."

Images of my mother came to mind straight away. "Some people are cruel," I told her. It was the same thing I'd told Lexio not so long ago.

"This was my fault," she whimpered.

"Shh," I comforted, actually putting my arm round her and pulling her into a hug. "This is not your fault." She suddenly drew her knees up against her chest and wrapped her arms around them, burying her face and began to cry.

"There's a hundred reasons this is my fault," she gasped through her sobs. "I was an arrogant fool and antagonized her until she finally took it out on him... I was the one who killed Dolosus, not your mum."

I couldn't help myself. "She's not my mother." I said before realising that I was making this about me and not Lyra. "Look, I, uh... I'm not good with this kind of stuff, but all I do know is that you did everything right. Dolosus died because of a cruel and heartless woman, not because you were brave enough to stand up for what you believe in."

"Death would be a relief," she whispered, "a relief I don't deserve."

I wanted to shake her - shake some sense into her. "Lyra, come on; don't think like that."

"Can you please just kill me?" Her face was completely serious. "I've suffered enough."

"Nyet." I said, standing up and walking away from her before I lost my temper and screamed. It wasn't anger; it was frustration. Felix was feeding her lies. She wasn't getting better. If anything, she was getting worse. "I'll be back tomorrow."