You look sad when you think he can't see you

Chapter one. Hello john

Sherlock sat as still as he could as the man shaved off his beard which had Long ago became covered in grim and grease. Reframing from shivering at the thought of the blade near his throat Sherlock focused on the ceiling. Ignoring the feeling of his beard being removed, it itched as it was scraped off of his face. Sherlock lay sat still as Mycroft droned on about something Sherlock didn't care about, all Sherlock could think about was John John it had been two years since Sherlock faked his own death and went deep undercover leaving John and everyone behind. I had to protect them. Sherlock reminded himself. the man pat him on the  shoulder lightly  as if saying all done. Sherlock tried not to wince and jerk away at the contact, the memories of his torture still fresh in his mind
"Where is he?" Sherlock asked sitting up with a low groan as his bruises and countless wounds protested and stretched. Mycroft was kind enough to ignore his brothers moment of weakness as he retrieved a file and handed it to Sherlock. Flipping open the folder Sherlock scanned the lists of things John had been up to.
"You looked after him?" Sherlock asked keeping his voice even
"Of course" Mycroft sassed as he took a seat in his office chair "I couldn't have the other one of the dynamic duo die" Sherlock nodded and ducked his head his stomach twisting dangerously at the thought of John dying. Mycroft was quiet as he looked through the folder. Pictures of John. John at his grave, John crying, John staring at a wall, John with a woman, John frowning, John with a moustache.
"A moustache?" Sherlock asked amusement slipping into his tone,
"So it seems brother" Mycroft said boredly
"That's got to go" Sherlock said tossing the folder onto the ground as he stood and grabbed a dress shirt from the pile of clothes he was given
"I can't be seen walking around with an old man" he said as he painfully put the shirt on and began struggling with the buttons, his finger ached still, Mycroft stood in front of Sherlock, brushing his hands aside Mycroft deftly buttoned his shirt and tucked down his collar
"You didn't need to do that" Sherlock muttered his face warm in shame. Mycroft smiled his signature smile but his eyes where sad and affectionate
"Of course not" Mycroft said softly. Sherlock nodded sternly as he stepped back
"Where is it?"
"Where's what?" Mycroft said confused
"You know what" Sherlock retorted glancing around the room, Mycroft rolled his eyes before retrieving something from his closet before tossing it to Sherlock who caught it ignoring the pain it sent spiralling down his shoulder. Smiling Sherlock pulled his coat on and tucked he collar up
"Like nothing's changed" Sherlock joked. Mycroft nodded and smiled sadly
"Nothing at all brother dear" Mycroft agreed

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Sherlock stared at the familiar door before him 221B Baker Street. home. Sherlock straightened  the knocker that hung crooked on the black door he never notices he does that Sherlock chuckled as he opened the door. The empty hallway stared at him accusingly as he stepped inside. Taking a deep breath Sherlock walked towards Ms.Hudson's flat.Inside the flat the sounds of her bustling around made Sherlock smile. Brushing his hair down and wiping his feet on the Mat Sherlock opened the door. The noise stopped as Ms.Hudson stared at the door her face full of hope and sadness. Sherlock smiled widely as her eyes widened. her own face now lighting with a large smile before she started screaming happily. Startled Sherlock jumped back out of the flat as she calmed herself thump thump
"Ms.hudson!!?!" John voice Shouted as he  made his way down stairs. Sherlock turned around in panic before running into Ms.Hudson's flat and shutting the door
"Hide me" Sherlock begged as John came closer. Shocked Ms.hudson pointed at the closet behind her. Sherlock ducked into it and shut the door just as John barged into the flat gun in hand as he glanced around wildly
"You screamed are you okay?" John said as he scanned the room for threats Ms.hudson fluttered her hand and chuckled
"No dear I'm sorry I got excited I found a new recipe" Sherlock watched through the cracks in the door as John stared at her confused. Sherlock felt his heart pang painfully as he took in John haunted face, his cheeks had hallowed out and his limp was back. Sherlock took in his hair that had grown more grey and the moustache making him appear even older. John sighed and dropping his arm with the gun to his side before dragging a hand down his face and smiling softly at Ms.hudson
"Okay well I'll be upstairs" John said  as he turned and exited the flat shutting the door behind him
Quietly. Sherlock heaved out a breath  that he had been holding since John walked in. Resting his head against the door Sherlock steeled himself no expression they will know Sherlock thought wait no it's okay I'm back Sherlock corrected himself before mentally kicked himself and walking out of the closet. Ms.hudson stared at him her eyes wide as she examined him closely, Sherlock shuffled his feet nervously as Ms.hudson remained silent
"Oh Sherlock" Ms.Hudson said shaking her head as she pressed a hand to her eyes that where rapidly filling with tears. Sherlock stared at her in terror as she began crying softly. His legs moving on their own accord Sherlock found himself standing before Ms.Hudson who smiled at him through her tears
"We missed you dear" she said her voice breaking. Sherlock nodded feeling the lump in his throat grow as he felt himself become emotional. Ms.Hudson stepped forward carefully before wrapping her arms
Around Sherlock and sobbing quietly into his coat, Sherlock grunted as she pressed into one of his healing ribs slowly Sherlock wrapped his arms around Ms.Hudson's shoulders has she always been this small?? Sherlock Stood holding her till she had finished weeping. Pushing away Ms.Hudson walked into the kitchen and began filling the kettle. Sherlock trailed behind her quietly as she grabbed the items needed for tea
"Why did you hide from John?" Ms.Hudson asked Sherlock as he sat at the table in the middle of the kitchen. setting a tea cup before him Ms.hudson stared at Sherlock who looked at her struggling for an answer before shaking his head in frustration and remaining silent for a while before locking eyes with her kind ones as he set his jaw
"I hurt him." Ms.Hudson nodded
"He thought he drove you to it Sherlock" she said sadly "he has been drinking.the entire flat smells of alcohol and cigars I can't clean the smell out" she said grabbing the steaming kettle
"but then again I'm Not your maid" she joked weakly as she prepared tea. Sherlock smiled and nodded.
"You will go to him right?" Ms.Hudson asked
"I don't know if I can" Sherlock choked out his eyes watering. Ms.Hudson nodded knowing what he meant
"He isn't eating Sherlock. Mary left him because she couldn't watch him kill himself like this" Sherlock winced and focused on his tea cup closing his eyes and letting a few tears stray out I can't cry I hurt John I don't deserve to be upset Sherlock thought bitterly
"Sherlock honey you can cry" Ms.Hudson said as if reading his mind. Sherlock whimpered and ducked his head against his chest as he struggled to push back the wave of emotions. Suddenly arms where around
His back as Ms.Hudson hugged him tightly, softly murmuring words into his hair. Sherlock let himself grieve for a few moments before clearing his throat and patting Ms.Hudsons elbow. Returning to her seat Ms.hudson watched as Sherlock sipped his tea and wiped his eyes clear of moisture
"Go to him tomorrow" Ms.Hudson said softly as she pat his hand kindly. Sherlock nodded as he stood and headed towards the door
"Sherlock you can stay here" Ms.Hudson offered as she pointed at the guest room. Sherlock bit his lip knowing he has nightmares still. better waking up here from a nightmare then somewhere else. he reasoned as he walked towards the guest room stepping inside he let Ms.Hudson guide him to the small bed and lay him down. He let himself relax and relish the feeling of Ms.Hudson tucking a blanket around him and remove his shoes like she had done when he was younger and staying with her. Muttering a thank you Sherlock Watched as she slipped out of the room and shut the door leaving a crack open for light to slip in. Sherlock lay awake thinking of John staying just a floor above him. You don't deserve this Moriarty's  voice spit venomously in his head. Sherlock shuddered and tried to get comfortable in the too soft bed. to much time spent on the floor of a cell. Sherlock thought duly as he tossed a pillow onto the floor and slipped down to the ground dragging the blanket with him. Kicking his shoes away from him Sherlock rolled into a ball on his side in the floor. Tugging the blanket around himself Sherlock let himself feel the pain wracking his body and mind as he fell asleep