Secret Admirer

Chapter 16

"Love is a powerful drug that you can't get enough of."

Elise Williams

A few days passed since I'd gone to see Ethan in hospital. His mother called me to let me know that he was going to be okay. She said that Ethan was still pretty weak and all he really did was sleep. The doctors were saying that it was his body's way of repairing itself. It was comforting to know that he'd been alright.

Olivia had been taking a lot of time off from school to be at the hospital with Ethan so Christopher and I had to work on the AP Physics assignment without them. In a way it was easier - I wasn't spending the time being distracted by my best friend and his girlfriend. Before, thinking about them would make me angry and sad. Now, whenever I thought of them, all I could think about was how ashamed I was for my actions, my selfishness. I didn't even want to begin to imagine what either of them thought of me. Christopher and I had begun to get pretty close - as friends of course.

As school ended and I walked out, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. The call ID read Carole Miles. I figured she was calling me to give me an update on how things were going. "Hello dear," she said.

"Hi Carole, you're sounding much better."

"I don't feel much better. This whole thing is so stressful. I was wondering if you'd like to come by the hospital. I understand that you've been busy with school work but I think it would be good for you if you came. Not only that but it's also getting pretty lonely here."

Carole had called me up on numerous occasions and asked me to come and visit but I'd told her that I was busy with school stuff. I personally didn't think it was a good idea that I went. Not to mention that it would be kinda awkward if I visited while Ethan was awake. What would we say toe each other? This time however, I didn't think it would be fair if I'd refused yet again.

"Uh sure," I said. "I'l get there as soon as I can."

I didn't know if the school bus took a route to the hospital and if it did, who was to say how long it would be until I got there with all the stops along the way. I saw Christopher and walked over. "Hey Elise!" he said as he noticed me. "Hi," I said smiling.

"How are you?"

"I'm alright I guess, you?"

"I'm alright."

"So I was actually, um, going to visit Ethan."

"Oh ok. Do you have a ride?"

"I was just going to take the bus," I said awkwardly.

"I can drop you off if you'd like?" he offered.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely!"

"Uh... yeah, that would be great. Thanks."

Christopher led me to his van. He slid open the side door so that I could store my bag, then I shut it and we got into the car. Christopher had main stream music playing on the radio, some sort of rap that I couldn't understand. There were few words that I could identify and the majority of them were swear words. I couldn't help myself but think of Ethan - the many likes and interests we shared, one of them being our taste in music. I struggled to keep my face from scrunching up at the distorted sound of the music.

We arrived at the hospital after a 23 minute drive. "Thanks for driving me Chris," I smiled. "No problem. Give Ethan my best."

I walked up to the reception desk and signed in. Then I rounded a few corners and knocked on the door of Room 114. "Come in," I heard someone say faintly from behind the door. I slowly opened the door. As I entered the room, I was overtaken by the stuffiness of the air. My eyes darted towards Carole who was sitting by Ethan's bed, a book in her hands. I searched the room for Olivia, who I expected to be there. When I didn't see her, I asked stupidly, "Where's Olivia?" Carole replied saying she'd left an hour ago. My eyes did a double-take when I noticed Ethan laying on his back with his eyes open. I was kind of hoping that he wouldn't be awake. That would've made things less awkward. "Oh, um, hi," I stammered. "How're you feeling?"

"Fine," he replied harshly.

I took a seat on the other side of the room. As far away from the two of them as I could. There was an eerie silence that filled the room. Carole continued to read her book, Ethan stared up at the ceiling and I picked the skin off the side of my finger, distracting myself.

Carole coughed awkwardly and stood up. "I'm going to go grab a coffee. Anyone want anything?" she said. Ethan didn't say anything, he just continued to concentrate on the ceiling. This time, I was the one to cough. "Uh no, I'm alright thanks Carole," I replied. We exchanged a tight smile before she exited the room.

Ethan and I sat in silence for a few minutes. I was first to break the silence. "Christopher gives you his best."

"You shouldn't have come," he said gruffly. Just the tone of his voice made me feel so guilty. I wanted to burst out in tears. I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. Neither did he.

"I'm so sorry Ethan," I finally said, getting up and walking towards the hospital bed. "I am so, so sorry." Tears started to stream down my face. Ethan wouldn't even look at me. That just twisted the knife in deeper. Not knowing what else to do, I took a seat on the chair that Carole had been sitting on earlier. I bowed my head and rested it in my hands. I wiped away my tears, keeping my face shadowed.

"I'm sorry too," Ethan sighed. I hadn't expected that. "I'm sorry for what I said to you, you didn't deserve it. Not for one second." Stunned, I didn't say anything. My mouth kept opening and closing, imitating a gold fish. Luckily, Ethan couldn't see me.

"I can't believe what I did. I feel so ashamed. It was selfish and completely insensitive." By this stage, I was a mess, my face wet with tears. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be the one crying. You're the one in the hospital bed, you're the one I hurt."

He turned around to face me and gave me a tight smile. "I'd love it if things could go back to how they were. Fighting with you, not talking to you, it's made me miserable. Although I've had Olivia, it hasn't been the same without you."

"Ethan, after what I said, after what I did, I don't know how you could ever forgive me."

"I guess that's just what happens when you've been friends with someone for so long."

He smiled at me.

And I smiled at him.