You Promised『 jikook 』

【 EDITED 】 Sixty-Two

[Edited: November 11, 2018]

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[A/N: yo i'm fucking back guys, blood sweat & tears was fucking lit imma write a fanfic about that. i got so many theories and i've been watching that so many times now, i still can't stop crying.]

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"Pretty Little Complicated"

Jimin's POV

"I'm so sorry, so sorry," he said to me for the hundredth time today. Okay, I may not be counting, but it seems almost a hundredth to me. He's been apologizing for nothing since yesterday.

"I don't know why I just said that."

"I do," I finally said instead of the usual, "Don't worry about it. It's okay, Kookie. I love you. I'm not mad," and stopped whatever I was doing to look up at him.

He looked back at me with his wide, watery eyes, eyebrows furrowed and mouth slightly agape. He looked so guilty and sad, but I didn't understand 'cause I deserved it. I deserved what he said, and he was right.

Why do I always have to make things difficult?

I wanna be with him. He wants to be with me. Yes, we're together, but it never really seems like it. All we do is run away and come right back to each other. It gets tiring the longer it continues. Over and over again, it's just the same goddamn thing.

"Jiminㅡ"

"ㅡNo, it's okay. I know you don't mean it like that. And you're right. I always fuck things up, but I'm not mad you told me that. It's just the truth and I think I've been through enough to handle even just a little truth. Especially, from you."

He walked towards ourㅡhis bed, where I'm sitting with my brown, leather notebook in my left hand and a small pen in the other. He sat down in front of me, feet on the floor.

He just stayed there, staring right into my eyes. I returned the favour, although the longer we stay like this, the more nervous I get.

Why isn't he saying anything?

"Iㅡ", I was about to reassure him again that I wasn't mad, but I got interrupted by his exasperated sigh. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and opened them at the same time he spoke.

"Sometimes, I feel like you're here, but you really aren't. And I know it's weird because I can't stop thinking about losing you even if it's the last thing I'll ever want on this earth. I just can't get the thought of losing you again out of my mind. It's driving me crazy, Jimin." He leaned closer and I felt my heart jumping in my chest, tears stuck in my throat and blood rushing south.

"You're driving me crazy."

His voice. His fucking voice.

Okay, I know I should be concentrating on what's happening right now for this is a serious situation, but goddamn it! You can't blame a man who hasn't seen his boyfriend in flesh for months and can now smell him, touch him and see him, to not feel aroused while the latter talks in a very low voice, making almost every syllable that comes out of his mouth sound like a fucking groan.

"I don't know what has happened to me these past few days, past few months, this whole year," I started off by saying. "I don't even know what I'm doing and what's going to happen anymore . . . but I suddenly feel just fine."

He raised his eyebrows in mixed surprise and confusion as he fixes a strand of my hair driven in front of my face to the back of my right ear. He cupped both my cheeks in his huge, soft hands and gave me a small smile.

"Though yesterday, I was just thinking of giving everything up again. I was just thinking of leaving you again, running away. From everything, but mostly from myself . . ." I tried to look away, but his eyes were too captivating, I'd love to drown in them. If there's any better way to kill myself, let it be this. Let it be Jungkook. I want to die by him. I know it doesn't make sense, but it's all I wanna do right now.

I'm so torn between wanting to die and staying alive.

And I don't even know why I have to choose. There's nothing wrong. What else can I ask for? He's here and he's all I ever wanted. What? What else? What the fuck is wrong with me?

"You told me something that woke me up. But you know what? I've been awake the whole time, Jungkook. I was just blind enough not to hear what you were trying to say, too busy enough to see how much you cared. And I'm so sorry."

It's true, I feel guilty. I feel terrible regret. I feel a drastic change of faith.

But the others I'm saying? They're completely opposite of how I feel. And I never knew I'd get to this level where I can't even figure out which one is real about me anymore. Is it what I think or is it what I feel?

"Please don't." He took his hands away from my cheeks and squeezed both my hands in his, then kissed my forehead. "I hate it when you say sorry. It's the only word I do not like that comes out of your mouth."

"What if I hurt you again and I had to apologize? Wouldn't you want to hear it?"

"You wouldn't hurt me."

"Jungkook, I've done it so many times. So many goddamn times, I've already lost count."

"Never again." He simply smiled at me and shook his head. "Never again."

"How are you so sure?"

"Because I know you and your heart, Jimin. You don't want us hurting each other anymore, or anyone else. You love me and I love you more than any song I've ever heard in my life."

"How are you so sure I won't let go?"

I don't know why I'm doing this, why I'm asking this, what I have to gain from this. And maybe it's not about what I have to gain, it's about granting Jungkook one last chance to choose the right thing.

And that is to leave me.

One last attempt to set him free.

"I believe you won't leave because . . ." He smiled the smile that makes me feel at home. The smile that cleanses my soul.

". . . Because you promised."

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this is not the end, don't worry x
and don't miss the next chapter ;) ;) soon