All Good Things/News/Wishwell

Triptych: All Good Things/News/Wishwell

a) All good things...

Somewhat slow to rise, I hear the end of our time together in the sound of luggage being packed in the trunk. Reality comes back in full focus about a half hour into the drive back to San Diego, and along with it comes that unwanted friend: anxiety. Anxiety feels like a once glued-on mask always in the process of tearing itself away. Samuel notices the tension coming from the passenger seat and plucks some last-ditch words of reassurance from the air, mixed with a little tough love, "There's no reason for you to worry about any of this.I know you'll be fine, and I think you know this, too. You'll be at the reunion." He's right. This moment has been on the horizon since the sight of those flowers in his hands Friday evening, and well,it's just time to face up.

We pull up shortly after noon, heading to Roger's office to get a spare key. Once at the house, I unload my luggage and ask Samuel to sit and relax, taking a long moment to let him know just what this weekend has meant. Samuel's response is more relaxed--just a simple reminder that we'll see each other again before we know it. We have one last kiss before he gets up to leave, but at the door, he turns around and says, "Oh wait, I have something for you," andr eaches into his back pocket. "Close your eyes and hold out your hands." I oblige and feel a small piece of paper. "Open your eyes."

All I can do is stand there, stunned, staring at the contents: two round-trip Greyhound tickets to Calexico! I'd seen this envelope in the glove box when getting out a map out for Samuel, but didn't think twice. He takes my hand, saying, "You'll be at the reunion."

Still stunned, my response comes tumbling out. "This is why you know you'll see me soon, isn't it!" With a smile on his face, he responds, "Yep! Now you won't have to worry about missing out. You have six months to use these tickets." Six months?! In six months, I expect not just a new page to be turned, but rather anew chapter to be well underway, and that's now much easier to make happen thanks to what's in the envelope. Reflexively, I pull him close for one last kiss.

Watching him from the door as he walks to car and drives away, it dawns on me:there's no way of proving that this has the words "God's work"written on it, but his sudden presence in my life is too much of a coincidence. It's not just the tickets, or the dining, the gifts, the trip, although anyone would be blessed to be so pampered. No, that's just part of it; same goes with the erotic energy felt between us all weekend. What shines more than all that is his nature: caring, giving, loving,intimate. To be showered with so much affection by someone who was a stranger just five days ago--that's almost ordained.

We see each other several times afterwards, but he becomes more a mentor and friend than a lover, and beyond getting back on track, the bigger concern after splitting up with Luis is what it will take to be in good company--that elusive "good guy," whether that man is called friend, lover or partner. After two failed relationships, it certainly seems like luck is not on my side in this arena. But those feelings have been put to bed.

There are still are good men in the world. Samuel is living proof.

Roger comes home from work around five, and we relax and chat for a couple hours over take-home Chinese, my treat. He's already a close friend,but while sitting at a picnic bench across from the craft hall at the retreat, he offers an invitation. "I know you're coming back to San Diego and I know if I was in your shoes, I'd want to know someone was looking out for me, and I would love having another man around the house. Come and stay with me while you relocate" I tackle him with a hug right, almost strong enough to throw us both off the bench.

I will see my secret pal and new best buddy Tuesday night and have Wednesday blocked out for Roger, which leaves tonight free. It's locker night at the Vulcan. I get back to Roger's place around midnight, asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.