Before Holmes Met Watson (FEATURED)

Day Nineteen: Date Night

John began to stand outside himself more, to let the simulacrum do all the heavy lifting. He'd been given the itinerary for his return to England. He was to be hospitalised for a few weeks following his return. He would be unable to live on his own while his shoulder healed, so his stay would be extended even further. He saw the pity in their eyes when he'd had to explain that he had no family, no wife, no husband, no close friends, no one upon whom he felt he could impose. It should have bothered him more, but he couldn't muster the energy to care.

At night, he would hold the blind boy's hand until he fell asleep. During the day, he and the boy would talk. His name was Peter, and he was from Newcastle. His eyes had been green. He wasn't sure what colour they'd be when the bandages came off. He asked John about being a doctor, and John told him about medical school, about the late nights, the drunken celebrations at the end of exam period, the pranks with the cadavers. He made Peter laugh. He talked to Peter about how terrified he'd been during his first surgery. It was a simple procedure, and he'd been supervised, of course. But even knowing there was someone else there to take the reins, he'd been certain he'd kill the patient. That was what had stuck with him the most: being told in no uncertain terms that, at some point in time, every surgeon killed someone. No one was perfect. Everyone made mistakes, and theirs were often fatal. None of the patients John had lost had been cut and dry affairs where he'd fucked up and they'd paid with their lives, but, at every point in the decision tree, there'd been another path, hadn't there? Would they have lived if he'd taken another?

John was jealous of Peter, jealous of an eighteen year-old who'd never see again. His youth made people want to take care of him, John included. When he was sent home, his Mum and Dad would look after him. John had to look after himself, and he couldn't. Not anymore. He'd always prided himself in his steadfastness, in his competence, but he could feel them slipping away from him. Perhaps they'd always been, but he'd managed to hold on somehow, and he just couldn't anymore. It was too exhausting. Taking care of Peter was easier.

Salman came to see him. He hadn't been due any leave, but he must have found a sympathetic senior officer who knew about his and John's relationship. And now that John was being discharged, well, there was no longer any impropriety, was there?

When Salman saw John, he'd had to stop and gather himself. John looked so small and frail. It was as if death was clinging to him, still hovering nearby. Waiting. I must be strong for him, Salman reminded himself. He'd been steeling himself the entire trip from Kabul, but he was ill-prepared to see the man he loved more than his own life in such a state. Salman watched as John turned to the patient in the bed next to him to say something, smiling as he put a comforting hand on the other man's arm.

My John, Salman thought proudly.

"I see you still have the best bedside manner on the ward, Captain Watson," Salman said, approaching John's bed.

"Salman." John's eyes filled with tears, and he hadn't the strength to try and hold them back. Salman set his packages down at the foot of the bed and sat next to John, bending down to kiss the tears from his eyes. He wanted to lie next to him, to hold him, but he was afraid he might hurt him. John tilted his head back, seeking Salman's mouth. Salman took his face in his hands and kissed him gently. John gripped him with surprising strength and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss to something raw and wounded. There was an edge of anger there too, Salman thought. Salman stroked John's face and soothed him. "I missed you," John said, lying back, exhausted from the brief exertion. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, my brave soldier," Salman replied, no longer able to stop his own tears from falling. "I was so afraid I might never see you again," he confessed, taking John's hand. "I should have known you would out-stubborn Death."