Hiding Behind Pages

Chapter 32: I'm Just Tired

(IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY WATCHING STRANGER THINGS AND HAVENT FINISHED IT there is a spoiler after the 2nd "***" SO JUST SKIP TO THE PART THAT SAYS "What is actually my life" IN BOLD SORRY)

"Carlos, wait," I said running after him.

I really need to get in shape.

I started panting as I catched up to him. He stopped in his tracks and let out a long sigh.

"I'm sorry."

I frowned as I put my hands on his shoulders and turned him so that he was facing me. "Sorry for what?"

He groaned. "Oh come on, I thought you were smart. Don't you get it? I like you."

My eyes widened and the only thing I could hear was my heart thumping loudly.

"I-"

"No. Don't make this into a big whole dramatic conversation okay? I like you. You don't like me. There's that," he looked into my eyes.

"No, its not like that. You know I like you. But just as a friend," I said.

And it was true. I mean, I barely knew anything about Carlos other than that he was a really nice guy who liked making others feel happy. And he made me happy.

But not the way Dan could.

He scratched the back of his head and scoffed. "Yeah, yeah I get it. I was hoping you wouldn't verbally friendzone me but its not biggie. Look, I know you and Dan have a thing and I would never get between that. I'm not mad at Dan and I'm not heartbroken," he paused. "Okay, maybe I am heartbroken but not just because of you."

I looked at him with concern. "Talk to me."

His eyes roamed the area around us as he spotted a small bench a few meters away and began to drag me to it.

We sat down and he looked down at his hands.

"I'm just tired."

I stayed silent and waited for him to continue. "I'm tired of being alone. And of people not believing and me. And people saying that I wont grow up to be anything in life. Im tired of myself. Because I do nothing to change these things. Just...I've been tired about a lot of things lately," he said as he laid back against the bench. "Maybe its cause I probably wont get anywhere. And its my fault."

"I let these people tell me what I can and can't do. Ever since I was a fetus I just felt the need to help everyone. To satisfy them. And people took advantage of that. But somehow, I still never seem to worry about myself or my own well being. I guess that's because deep down I know I don't deserve all the things I hope for. I don't deserve to own that wood shop, or supporting parents, and even you. I'm just at the bottom rank."

"No you're not. You're kind and caring and people love having you around. You're a wonderful person," I said trying to comfort him as I rest my hand on his shoulder.

"Nice and caring isn't going to get me anywhere. I mean, atleast you're smart. You can get into a wonderful college and pursue whatever dream you're willing to work hard for. Even the guys are more hardworking than I'll ever be. As for me, I'm simply a lazy idiot who wants to paint wood for a living."

"What's wrong with that? Don't compare yourself with us Carlos. We're all supposed be different and have different dreams and talents. Your dream is to make that wood shop successful and that sounds pretty damn good enough to me. And you deserve all of those things. I'm sorry you can't have everything you want but its up to you to make good of what you have now. And I'm sorry I don't have the same feelings towards you like you do with me. But I promise you will find someone who will love you and your stupid jokes. Everything in life just takes time."