Snape: Back at the Ministry...
Ron: So Malfoy poisoned him with Amorentia?!
Hermione: Oh, please, it was obviously an accident! He's not Lord Voldemort or anything!
Ron: You sure?
Hermione: Yes! Yes, I am!
Ron: Okay, so this was the bottle that the potion was kept in... *holds up Amorentia bottle*
Lucius: FREEDOM! *struggles against the Aurors holding him* *crashes into Ron* *Amorentia falls on his head*
Ron, Hermione: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Lucius: HERMIONE, MY ONE TRUE LOVE!! KISS ME, BABY!!!
Hermione: GET AWAY!!!!
Ron: I WILL DESTROY YOU!!
Lucius: BRING IT ON!!!!
Ron: YOU THINK YOU CAN HAVE MY WIFE???!! LET'S SEE ABOUT THAT!!!
Lucius: *screams and attacks Ron*
Hermione: Ron... You don't have to-
Ron: Hang on, I'm defending your honor. DIE, DEATH EATER SCUM!!!! *attacks Lucius*
*Ron and Lucius start fist fighting*
Lucius: YOU DON'T DESERVE HER!!!
Ron: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DOESN'T DESERVE HER, YOU COWARDLY PIECE OF RACIST TRASH!!!!!
Hermione: Okay, Ronald, that's enough.
Ron: FOR HERMIONE!!!!!
Harry: *runs in* WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON?!
Lucius: I AM FIGHTING FOR MY ONE AND ONLY TRUE LOVE, THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ANGEL IN THE WORLD, HERMIONE GRANGER!!!!!!!!
Ron: I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT SHE TOOK MY LAST NAME-
Harry: ENOUGH!!!!!
Hermione: Thank goodness, someone with common sense...
Ron: Harry, I'm busy here!
Harry: *sighs* Stupefy.
Lucius: *is stupefied*
Hermione: Okay, let's get him someplace without amorentia, please.
*they take him to a place without amorentia while he is awaiting Azkaban*
Lucius: *awakens* *sees where he is* *salt salt salty salt*
Hermione: Now, all we have to do is wait for the Azkaban guards.
Lucius: *struggling because he is tied up*
Ron: I can't wait until this whole mess is done with and he's back in Azkaban. Shame they got rid of the Dementors...
Hermione: Ron! Don't say things like that!
Harry: Yeah, not cool, mate.
Ron: *shrugs* It's true, though. He deserves it.
Hermione: Is this because of that little mishap with the amorentia?
Ron: Wha- NO! No, it's not that. No way.
Hermione: I'm very convinced.
Ron: Well- he also- broke out- and he's, you know, a Death Eater and all that, so it's definitely not because he proclaimed his undying love to you!
Hermione: .... Have it your way.
Some Ministry Bloke: *walks in* We've finished examining the bottle- *shows them amorentia bottle* -and it is indeed amorentia!
Hermione: Thank goodness, I would be worried if it wasn't.
Lucius: *tries to escape while they are distracted*
Ron: OH, NO YOU DON'T!!! *tackles him*
Lucius: *trips into the Ministry bloke* *amorentia bottle falls on him and breaks*
Hermione: NOOOOOOOO!!!! YOU GOT TO BE [censor]ING KIDDING ME!!!
Harry: I never thought I'd see the day when Hermione swore.
Lucius: OH HERMIONE, WITH HAIR FLOWING LIKE SILK, SKIN SOFT AS ROSE PETALS, AND MOUTH DIRTY AS A WEASLEY'S, MARRY ME!!!
Ron: *hits Lucius sev'ral timez* (says line in between hits) SHE! WILL! NEVER! MARRY! YOU!
Lucius: OH REALLY?! YOU'RE A GINGER!
Ron: WELL, HERMIONE THINKS THAT GINGERS ARE SEXY!
Harry: *snickering*
Hermione: Harry! Okay, it is kind of funny.
Lucius: NO, SHE LOVES GUYS WITH SEXY, FLOWING HAIR!
Harry: Kind of funny?
Hermione: I take that back. This is comedic gold!
Ron: WELL, WHY DON'T WE DO THIS THE CIVILIZED WAY?
Lucius: He said while yelling.
Ron: Let's see what Hermione actually thinks!
Hermione: I think that this is riddikulus. Hilarious, but riddikulus.
Lucius: Yes, but who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? This freckled abomination *points to Ron* or a handsome, well mannered man who actually knows how to treat a lady?
Ron: "Knows how to treat a lady" my [CENSOR]ing [CENSOR]!
Hermione: Ron!
[Azkaban Guards enter]
Azkaban guard #1: What the devil is going on here?
Harry: Amorentia. Again.
Azkaban guard #2: Oh, great. Just what we needed.
Azkaban guard #1: How did amorentia get into here?!
Lucius: *points at Ministry Bloke*
Ministry Bloke: Let me explain. *he tells them what we already know*
Hermione: Is there a single place on Earth that's safe now?
Lucius: You'll always be safe with me, sweetheart.
Hermione: Get away from me!
Lucius: I love it when you play hard to get.
Azkaban guard #2: Let's just do what we came here to do. Incarcerous! *Lucius is tied up*
Hermione: *with gritted teeth* THANK YOU.
*the Azkaban guards drag Lucius away*
Lucius: I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN MY LOVE!!!!
Ron: NO, YOU WON'T!
Lucius: I PROMISE I WILL FIND A WAY TO GET TO YOU!!!
YOU ARE READING
What Would REALLY Happen in a Lumione Fic
FanfictionThis is how a lumione fic should have gone! You're welcome. WARNING: Includes violence, nothing major. Well, also a man pursuing a romantic relationship with someone half his age. [DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY, IT'S A SATIRE]
