A Guards Last Thoughts

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There I was in the war between the shadow and end knights. I lay still fighting for air as I sit in a pool of my own blood. As I lay there staring at the darkness above me I see my life flash before my eyes. I begin to wonder was my life really worth living and if I die here would it be for nothing.
       I'm looking back on the choices I have made through out my life and I realize I truly am evil I was truly meant to be a shadow knight. When I was younger I killed my own parents, my big sister, and....and m-my little brother....m-my best friend. I didn't even feel sad when I did it, I had no regrets, no emotion, no control, just emptiness. I know now I didn't do it on my own will. The voice it made me do it.
        I was weak. My actions made me a murderer. I will never forget the look on his face even in death. He had a mixture of pure terror and sympathy almost as if he felt sorry for me, but what he said before he died will always haunt my nightmares. He looked me in the eyes, smiled and said "I forgive you" as if if was saying I'm ready to die and Its not your fault. Even after all that I still felt nothing. I still feel...empty.
         Will I ever feel.....alive. A part of me feels like I'm ready to die....I'm ready to suffer for what I've done. I don't deserve to live anymore. Now that I think about it I never had anything to live for while I was still alive. My life was already a living hell before I came to the nether. Before I fought in the war.
         My parents abused me, my sister raped me, and I was constantly beaten up and thrown around by everyone at school. It was because I was different. It was because I had a power no one else had. I was immune to fire and heat.
          All my life I felt worthless. I counted down every moment of every day till my death. Till one day I decided to end my own life but when I did I didn't stay dead I woke up in a dark, warm, creepy, place. I felt pain all over my body. I saw some people outside the door of my "cell" running toward a purple thing. I decided to follow them. I ended up in a field.
         I started walking back to my village hoping my family would be devasted over my death but alas all I saw when I got there was my parents and sister celebrating. The only one who cared enough to shed a tear over me was charlie. I wanted soo much to tell him I was sorry but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
         When I looked in a mirror I realized my eyes were blood red and I had a unsatisfiable thirst for blood and destruction. I didn't know who or what I was anymore. I knew I was a monster. A monster ready to kill without any hesitation or remorse.          
          After what I saw I began losing all emotion, all feeling, all will to keep going. I was no longer the typical 15 year old. I really was different now. All those kids at school  were right. I grew up thinking I was a worthless, no good piece of garbage. I was nothing. No one could ever love a monster like monster. No one would ever be able to accept me. My only choice anymore was to run away and hide.
       That's when the voice came. He  told me to kill my family. He wanted me to be evil. He wanted to control me. I fought them. I refused at first to listen to him. After awhile he slowly little by little wore me down. I began to loose all free will. One day I finally gave in to him. That's when a 15 year old boy became a demon.
     

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