A Bit of a Christmess - Phan

It was Christmas, and Dan was pissed. He was pissed because he’d been dragged along to the ever pathetic excuse for a Christmas Party that his school threw every year by his two best friends; Chris and PJ. He was pissed because they’d abandoned him within the first five minutes to sit disgruntled and alone on a frilly table at the edge of the dance floor. And he was pissed because he’d maybe had a little too much of the complimentary punch.

Chris was making a scene as always in the centre of the floor. He had his arms draped around PJ and he was singing loudly along to Whitney Housten’s warbling rendition of ‘I Will Always love you’ with glazed eyes and stumbling feet.

“Oh Peej I love you!” He bellowed as the song faded to a close.

The hall tittered appreciatively – most of the school was used to this by now. Chris sucking up the attention as he tried to press a sloppy kiss against PJ’s protesting mouth. The girl Peej was supposed to be dancing with rolled her eyes and sighed loudly. It was all a show that Chris thought was hilarious and PJ grudgingly yet fondly went along with, but personally Dan thought it was getting a bit old.

He groaned into his hands as Chris jumped theatrically into PJ’s arms – nearly toppling the pair of them to the ground. Despite his annoyance he wanted nothing more than to be up there with them – having fun and making the most of the terrible 90’s music now playing. He wasn’t confident enough to get up there and join them; the circle around them was too thick and he’d just be third wheeling anyway. If this was a movie he’d steel PJ’s exasperated date and whisk her off to his car while Peej wasn’t looking; but he was an awkward virgin and this wasn’t an American high school movie where 16 year olds could own flashy cars and sport stubble.

He tried to catch PJ’s eye. Even in his drunken state Peej was always more conscientious than Chris and maybe he’d take pity on him and come over or call him out to dance. His attempt was interrupted though by the DJ (Mr Martin the PE teacher) announcing that it was time for the couples’ dance.

“Grab your partner! Everyone has to get up and dance, I’ll be coming around pairing up all the spoil sports so better get a move on or you’ll be dancing with Mrs Fellatio!”

Dan gasped in horror, staring frantically around the gym. Chris had claimed PJ instantly of course – to a scattering of laughter from the onlookers. PJ’s date had grudgingly paired up with one of her friends and wandered off and as Dan searched desperately for a friendly face the mass of people around him flowed towards the centre of the room with an excited buzz of chatter. Everywhere he looked couples were holding hands and clinging to each other’s arms. One group had a polygamous lesbian waltz going on and he even saw a boy from his maths class take a mop fox-trotting down the aisle.

Quickly he pulled himself up and tried to blend in to the throng of people, whilst subtly keeping tabs on Mr Martin as he weaved his way in and out of the tipsy students.

“Philip my Boy! Are you all alone tonight? Well we’ll have to fix that! Come on, I’m sure we can find someone – and if not there’s always the Delights of Mrs Fellatio.” He boomed.

Dan cringed for the unknown boy and made a beeline for two girls he recognised from his chemistry class, only just holding himself from breaking into a sprint.

“Howell! You single too?”

He froze, eyes snapping shut in pain.

“Well that won’t do will it! Not to worry, I’ve got a partner for you. He’s very clean. Now is that everyone?” Mr Martin turned his eyes back to the room, apparently oblivious to the sniggers that surround Dan and Phil where they’d been pressed together by huge, meaty hands.