Roman, I Love You

When the World Stops

This is a tidbit from Roman :(

Content/trigger warning: suicide and self harm

19

Roman knew that Scarlett had done something really bad, something he could not fix and something she might not be able to come back from. Her voice was all wrong and he knew she dropped the phone. She said she was going to see her brother and she was not talking about the cemetery. His heartbeat picked up as he drove. The meeting he had, worked out so that he did not have to stay the night. He was driving home, ready to surprise her.

Adrenaline was coursing through his veins as his fingers dialed 911. His foot fell onto the gas as the operator picked up. He rattled off her address in quick, clear, succession in contrast to his shaky hands. The thought of Scarlett actually accomplishing what she intended scared the shit out of him.

How could she do that? They were so happy, but he had to think about what that really meant. Were the last two weeks her way of saying goodbye, instead of him showing her how happy they could be? Had he gotten it wrong? How could he have gotten it so wrong? How could he have not seen this coming?

He was so close to her home. If he could just get there in time. He could be the difference between life and death, her life. As he raced to her house, all he could think is that she had become the single most important thing in his life. As soon as he parked, he was running, his legs pushed against the ground with one singular goal: get to her. The door was locked, of course, but he knew the where the spare key was. He knew her inside and out. He could not, would not, lose her.

He busted through and he called her name even though he knew she would not answer. He could feel his heart beating out of his chest and the sound of sirens. When he got into the bathroom, he almost dropped at seeing her like that.

He had seen her with bloodied wrists, but never like that. He had seen her sleeping, but this was not sleep. There was just so much blood. He moved into action. Swiftly, he crossed the room and crouched down to pull her naked body out of the water. He grabbed a towel and wrapped her in it. Grabbing her wrists, he tried to put pressure on both of them, but it was hard. She really did herself in this time around.

Her body was cradled in his arms and all he could do was hold her with the thousands of thoughts flying through his head. It was like his entire world was unmaking itself and he did not want to be around for the day her heart stopped beating; and dear god, he did not want that to be tonight. There was no future without her. He kept his finger against her pulse. It was slow and weak but it was there.

When the paramedics came rushing in, Roman was pushed away as they crowded around her. He got up and picked up the bottle of pills as he followed them out to the ambulance. As they all rushed, someone rattled off a series of questions that he in turn answered succinctly in an attempt to keep a level head.

They allowed him into the vehicle with her and he was tasked with keeping constant pressure on one of her wrists, she definitely did that one first because it was pretty much a straight slice and pretty deep. They told him to keep talking to her, to keep trying to get a reaction from her, to ensure that she wakes up and stays that way. So that is exactly what he did. He kept tapping her face and speaking loudly to her, telling her to wake up and that he needed her to stay around for him.

She stirred a little, but did nothing in the way of responding. It terrified him to see her so unresponsive. That first time he had walked in on her cutting herself, he thought it had been bad. She did not respond to him, but she was not out cold. This was so different from before, from anything she had ever done. It was so much worse.

He begged her to stay with him. Begged for this to not be the end. When they arrived at the hospital, they unloaded her and rushed down the halls, speaking to each other in what seemed like a foreign language. The only thing he understood was someone telling him that he needed to stay back and that someone would be out to tell him when they had some news.

He watched as they continued down the hall without him, hoping that would not be the last glimpse of her alive, even if it was barely. He had done all that he could and he hoped that it would be enough. Into one of the waiting room chairs, he collapsed and buried his face in his hands, praying that this was not the end. 

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yikes y'all I'm sorry