Show me the light (Niam/Ziall)

Chapter 10. 'I'm a survivor in more ways then you know'

                      I slowly walked into the hospital. I don't want to know if he's dead or not. I just want to walk away and not give a shit. But I do give a shit. I don't want him dead. He's already been dead to me for 3 freaking years. I just got him back and for all I know, now he's gone. It's my fault he jumped. It's my fault Liam was my boyfriend for like 2 days. It's my fault he thought I didn't love him, when really, I love him so much. Always have, always will. Even if he's broken, I will always love him. We've been through so much, why end it now? Why would he kill himself, now? I know he was supposed to be dead 3 years ago, but he wasn't dead for 3 years. We could have got back together and figured all of this stuff out. But no, he killed himself. Right in front of me. I saw him jump. I saw his body fall.

                  I shivered as I walked up to the main desk. I can't see him if I say he's my boyfriend. I can say he's my brother then. "Excuse me? Where's Zayn Malik's room" I asked quietly. "Who are you to him" she asked, not taking her eyes off her computer. "I'm his brother" I said and bit my lip. "He's room 402." "Thanks" I mumbled and walked down the long hall, looking at the numbers next to the doors.  What if i'm some fucking kidnapper and i'm going to kidnap Zayn? This hospital really needs to get it's shit together. I finally saw his number and walked into the room. There was a doctor in there writing some stuff down. I stopped at the frame of the door, Zayn wasn't responding to the doctor. I lightly coughed and the doctor looked up at me.

                      "Hello" he smiled gently. I waved. "How's he doing?" "I'm not quiet sure." "Is he dead" I asked quietly. "I'm sorry, I don't quiet know yet." How the fuck can they not know?! The doctor got up and walked away. I sat down in a spinney chair and wheeled it over to Zayn. I took his cold hand in mine and looked at him.

                       "Hey Zee" I sighed. It was like I was at the cemetary all over again. Knowing he wasn't going to answer, but this time his body was there and he was actually there. "Hey Ni" Zayn groaned. My eyes grew wide, "The doctor said you weren't responding." "To him. I knew you would come so" Zayn sighed. "Zayn? Are you going to die?" Zayn laughed softly, "I don't know babe. I feel like it." I leaned up to Zayn and kissed him. He lightly kissed back. I pulled away and looked at him. He eyes still haven't opened. "I love you Zee." "I love you too Ni. Forever and always. But you should go.. I don't want you to like see me die" Zayn sighed again. "You're not gonna die!" Zayn didn't respond. "Z-Zee?" I started to cry. "Z-Zayn?!" His hand became ice cold. "No.. Please.. Zayn" I kept crying. "Zee, wake up. C'mon.." I shook his hand lightly. I let go of his hand and just cried. I lost him.. Forever.

-*-

                       "Yeah, we'll be there in about 3 hours." "That long" he groaned. I laughed, "I'm sorry. Well, I gotta go. I'll call you later, alright?" "Alright, I love you Ni." "I love you too Josh." I hung up my phone and helped Greg put the rest of my boxes in his car. I was moving back to London to go to college. I'm going to live with my best mate Josh, and were going to go to college together. I'm pretty excited. "Is that all of them" I asked Greg. He nodded and got into the car. I got in the passenger seat and soon we were on the road.

                         Josh and I haven't talked in forever. But right after I got out of the hospital from being with Zayn, I called him. He felt sorry for me but I told him to shut up. Josh and his girlfriend broke up, because Josh is now gay. He said he hooked up with his best mate Joey and from then he was gay. He's not dating Joey though. I wouldn't date Josh, so don't think i'm going to make a move on him. Josh and I are just best buddies. Forever. Nothing more than buddies.

                     "So, how's Liam" Greg asked. "I don't know. I'm not talking to him anymore." "Why not?" "Because he hates me now" I sighed. "Oh" Greg said. Then the car just got quiet. Only the soft sound of music came from the radio. "You're going to live with Josh, aye?" "Greg, stop" I sighed. "What do normal brothers talk about then?!" "Were not normal brothers Greg." Greg and I have been fighting sense I got depressed. I just think he hates me for no reason, but whatever.