Canvas (Stilinski - 1)

18 - "No matter what" (pt.3)

- Freya's POV -

In the back of Stiles's Jeep i sat next to Isaac, trying to control my racing heart and focus on something other than the worry oozing from Scott, the intense pain from Stiles and Isaac's agitation. It wasn't working. 

"Tell me again why we're bringing her?" Stiles asked Scott, sounding frustrated in his tired state. As he spoke he glanced at me in the rear view mirror, meeting my worried eyes. I knew what he was talking about. I mean, i've never been in a fight. I have nothing to defend myself with and we are driving to battle an ancient fox spirit and probably several Oni too. That being said, i knew why i was brought along, and Scott's slight tensing of his body and lies proved me to be correct. I was there to heal Stiles.

"We need everyone we can get," Scott answered "and with her Empath abilities she may be able to find Lydia once we get in there." The last part was true. At least, he believed it. I had been unable to locate her as much as i had tried when she was first discovered to be missing and i wasn't holding onto much hope that i'd be able to at all. 

"She's staying in the car." Stiles said almost like it was a question, eyes flicking back up to me in the mirror

"We all know that's bullshit." I breathed from the backseat, earning a laugh from Isaac and a glare from Stiles. For the next few minutes the car was silent until Scott let out a breath he had seemed to be holding.

"You okay?" Stiles asked him, glancing over

"Yeah, you don't have to worry about me." Scott replied with a small shake of his head. Isaac's agitation had grown over those few minutes until apparently he couldn't contain himself anymore.

"Alright, I'm gonna say it." He began, "You look like you're dying." He was addressing Stiles now, and as we said it both Scott's and my own head turned quickly to look at him. "You're pale and you're thin and you look like you're getting worse." At these words i reached a hand out almost instinctively to touch Stiles's shoulder and focus on withdrawing some of his pain but retracted it when he glared at me in the mirror, knowing what i was about to do. "We're all sitting here thinking it." He continued, "When we find the other you is he going to look like he's getting better?" He asked finally. I dug my nails into my palms reflexively to suppress the anxiety flooding every part of my being. 

"What happens if he gets hurt?" Scott continued along the same vein. I breathed out slowly, not wanting to address what i had been worrying about for the entire car journey. 

"You mean if he dies then do i die?" Stiles asked tiredly, not looking away from the road. "I don't care. Just as long as no-one else dies because of me." 

"You're not going to die, Stiles." I tried to say confidently, failing a little. "If we kill him and..." i trailed off, not wanting to voice the thought. "...i'll heal you. Deaton said it should work." He sent a tight smile my way in the mirror. The 'thanks for trying but it doesn't help' smile. It was comparable to receiving a participation medal on a sports day. 

"You don't get it." He said in a pained voice. I could feel pain in every fibre of his being and to that pain, guilt began to build. "I remember everything Scott. I remember pushing that sword into you, I remember twisting it."

"It wasn't you." Scott tried to to reason but it had little effect.

"Yeah, but i remember it. I remember smashing your head into a table, Freya. I remember the blood pouring from your head because of something i did." He said, looking at me sadly in the mirror. "You guys have to promise me, you can't let anyone else get hurt because of me. We save people, no matter what. No matter if it means that i die, we save everyone else okay?"