I'm not poetic, I'm not a magnificent writer, and I'm definitely not good with words. So why do I write? Well, to be honest I have no idea. I guess it gives me some sort of peace of mind when I can finally put what I have in my head into words that can be read. That can be read and make people feel something, because I love writing like that. In fact, I adore writing like that. That of which makes a person feel something and makes the person think, even if not that much. I tend to ramble on though with what I try to write. As I said, I am definitely not good with words. I'm laughing to myself now because I can't believe I'm actually attempting at writing something.
I've always been told in my English classes that I have a way with writing, and they say it's because of all the reading I do. I'm better at reading a book than I am with writing. I'm not just going to go on and on about writing. I'm trying to get to a point. I just can't figure out how to get to that point yet.
My mother says that I do that a lot, I tend to not get to the point I'm trying to get at. That when I tell a story, I tell a story horribly or very well. My mother is a beautiful women. She's so smart and talented and so very friendly, that of which I could never be. So is my father someone of which I could never be. He's got his head held high and a good way with people, even if he can be a complete ass with people. Me, well, I'm the complete opposite. I only know how to nod my head and smile when around people.
So, what am I trying to get at? I guess I just need someone to talk to. Someone to confide in. To be frankly honest, I'm all alone. And no I'm not that shitty type of teenager who thinks she's all alone and complains her parents just don't understand her at all. Goodness no. In fact, they do understand, but to a certain point. I'm just a difficult person to understand. I've got my mind set on a certain way of thinking one minute, and the next I can think something completely different. It makes it hard for me to keep people around.
It's why I'm here where I am now, writing this stupidity because someone close to me said it'd be good for me. Said it'd be good if I began to write when I started feeling down again, or just when I wanted to or needed to. I don't know where to start though. All I could think of is this one night that happened a while ago, one that changed me in a way. And no, not in the way that you read a teenage love story and the main character meets a boy who changes her world. That he's everything she's ever wanted and they fall in love and it's a happy ending, or it isn't a happy ending. Stories like that have been pissing me off lately to be quite honest.
Anyway, I guess it is a story. I don't know. Not one that is too interesting. Not one that can be written and sold across the glob and can be voted New York Times Bestseller. No it's just a shitty story about me, and someone I met that changed the way I think about so much.
Though yes, this person who changed my way of thinking, is in fact a boy. I can promise myself one thing though, this story will not be a shitty love story. God forbid I ever fall in love and give any boy the power to rip my heart out. I'd rather shoot myself in the head before I ever do that.
