Black Metal: The true theory behind Mayhem

Mayhem and Norwegian Black Metal: The true story

MAYHEM THE TRUE STORY OF WHAT HAPPENED

NorWay 1992

it was snowing in 1992 in norway n mayhem was takin band photos in da forist. den they saw Vark from a band called bursum what was there enemy becus he shot the windows of Mcdonelds and the other guyz liekd mcdonelds a lot n euronymus worked in mcdonelds.

''omg its vark vikerns'' said ded

ded had a blond hair n stuff and he looked all metal and he was a swede n the other guys were fron Norway accept hellhamer who is also half spanish.

''unholy crapp!!'' said euronymus

''I will stab U guyz'' said Vark looking all mad

''omg'' said hellhamer

they went in the band house and recordid some demos of mayhem and den it was relly good n they got a record deel.

Vark was so jelous of it n got a nife n some guns. they dun some live concerts n vark shot the singer ded and he died . they berried him in a grave yard with a tomb stoen what said ''RIP ded loved by many like a good happy meal''

the Vark went in Mcdonelds on euronymus's shift and he was laffing, euronymus said 2 the maneger

''omg that is vark vikerns and he wants 2 blow up mcdonelds u must stop him''

the maneger did not believe him n left.

vark went 2 the counter n asked euronymus for a milk shake n 6 nuggits n fries n a chilli dip.

euronymus was suprised dat vark was so freindly 2 him after he shot his frend in the face and killed him n spitted on mayhems mix tapez.

Hellhamer was in Mcdonelds eating 5 big mac's 20 nuggits 4 fries n a mcflury and he didnt see vark.

Euronymus give vark his oreder and vark sit at the table.

''omg weird'' thort euronymus

then vark got up from teh chair n went 2 the counter.

''wot is wrong?'' said euronymus

''I want 2 retrun my meal its cold thanks'' said vark smilling

''okies'' said euronymus.

suddenly da milkshake explodid n euronymus got stabbed 99 times by 100 nifes hidden in da fries.

''OMG'' said hellhamer.

Euronymus was dead as well but hellhamer was only mild brain dameged and becum a drummer.

Vark was arested for vandalisming McDonelds n went 2 jail for 25 years.

It was a sad day 4 black metal. Now mayhe has got a new singer n drummer n guitar n bursum is still a very rubish band. it is also why all Norway's mcdonelds's say in the window ''frites har kokain i dem'' what means, please do not break or blow up stuff inside the mcdonelds itself.

True story, the end.