New Beginnings

Seventeen

You stared after Spencer and made a move to follow but Derek put his hand out stopping you.

"Leave him Kitten, he knows we're right. He's just blind to it because he's concerned about you."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Agent Hotchner looked directly at you, his eyes searching your face for any sign of hesitation. You nodded, knowing that it wasn't so much as that you wanted to do this, more that you needed to.

"Then let's get to work."

...

You spent the few hours planning the statement and what information you were going to release. In the end, you'd decided that Aaron would do the talking, you'd simply be stood with him. You weren't quite sure you could trust yourself to speak about the horrific monster who'd attacked you, in front of a room full of journalists and police without breaking down.

Hotch dismissed you all for the day telling you to go home and get some rest, and you went to find Spencer who had been sulking in Penelope's office.

"Ready to go?" you asked him. He followed you without a word, not speaking to you or Morgan the whole ride back to the hotel.

"Guess I won't be needing the ear plugs I picked up," Derek joked to you as you parted in the corridor.

You scowled at him, "Not appropriate Morgan."

Once you entered the room Spencer flung his messenger bag onto the bed, grabbing his pajamas and a towel and going straight into the bathroom.

"Spencer, we need to talk about this," you started to follow him but he shut the door in your face.

Ouch. You'd never seen him like this.

You sat on the bed eating the sub you'd picked up on the way home and waiting for him to finish. He eventually came out of the bathroom a good 40 minutes later, getting straight into bed and avoiding all eye contact with you. He immediately shut off the light on his side.

Fine.....

You headed off to the bathroom and cleaned up, having a quick shower and changing into your pajamas, before climbing into bed yourself.

"Spencer," you tried one more time, reaching your hand out and resting it on his shoulder. "I'm not even gonna speak. Hotch and Morgan are gonna do all the talking." He shook your hand off.

You could feel yourself starting to well up again so you flicked your light off too, rolling over and closing your eyes.

You're not sure how but you drifted off, waking up a few hours later feeling the bed empty next to you.

Rolling over, you searched the darkened room. He was sitting on the window seat, his long legs drawn up against his body.

"I'm sorry," he whispered quietly, seeing you awake. "I know they're right..and I know why you have to do it." His voice was choked and small, like he'd been crying. You climbed out of bed and padded across the room to him.

"You don't have to be sorry. I get it," you whispered back. "I love you."

"I love you too," he lowered his legs and you took that opportunity to clamber onto his lap, knees either side of him.

You held each other tightly for a moment just breathing in the scent of each other.

"I just don't wanna lose you," he pulled back from your embrace looking at you, his deep brown eyes filled with love and concern.

"You won't."

"I just keep thinking what if something happens..... What if I don't ever get the chance to do this again."