existentialism // phan

• two •

"what do you mean?" i rubbed my thumb on his cheek, wiping away a tear.

"my family thinks i'm straight, all our friends think we're just friends, our fans want to see us together, but they can't. and the worst part is that none of it matters, because we don't have a fucking purpose and we're all going to die and there's no bloody meaning to life!" he angrily wipes his tears and sorta aggressively pushed me away. "there's no point in anything, phil, nothing" he stared blankly ahead.

"dan, hey. what about peej... and chris... and louise. they know about us." i grabbed his hand. "take a deep breath. you're okay."

"why? why am i okay?" he looked at the ceiling. "why do i need to be okay?"

"you don't. you're right. you don't need to be okay." i can hold you until you feel better if you want." i said quietly.

dan rested his head down against me, he was shaking. "i'm so scared." he whispered. "of?" i whispered back, holding him close to me.

"coming out" he said. then he looked up at me. "i really want to but I'm terrified."

"why? scared of getting rejected? hate?"

he nodded "and losing you"

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authors note // i finally updated!!!! also i never know how to end chapters