The Rebound Agreement ✔

twenty-three

[unedited;
If you left a few comments as you read, I would be extremely happy.]

I must stay hunched over against that wall crying for hours. I don't even try to make myself stop. Instead I cry loud, ugly sobs that make my entire body quiver and tears stream down my cheeks.

I'm just so mad at everything. I'm mad at myself for falling for him. I'm mad at him for not falling for me back. I'm mad at myself for being foolish enough to believe that he ever could get over Amber, and I'm even more mad at him for stringing me along even though I know that this anger isn't completely justified because I agreed to it in the first place.

I'm mad that I agreed to it. The levelheaded Katie I usually am would have been smart enough to see the red flags all over, but the idealist Katie was the one that made that decision that night.

I hate the world for not playing out like it does in the fairytales because if it did, then it wouldn't even matter that I made a dumb decision or two. He's supposed to miraculously forget he ever loved Amber and fall head over heels for me. He's supposed to be knocking on my door right now to apologize, and then he's supposed to sweep me off my feet and twirl me around as he kisses me passionately.

But it's real life. And in real life, I'm a bumbling mess crying chaotically, and I doubt that he's even as marginally upset about this as I am.

The way karma has been treating me lately, he's probably texting Amber right now. It would be the perfect icing on my horrible day.

I wipe my nose on the back of my hand as I continue to cry, and I wonder how I could have ever been convinced that I loved any of the other boys that I had crushed on. It didn't feel anything like this when I realized they were a hopeless cause.

If I ever had any doubt that I loved Liam, it has been vanquished. I don't know how anything that's not love can feel this horrible as it falls apart.

It's only been an hour or so, and I already wish that it would stop hurting so much. The weight on my chest is smothering, and I'm beginning to understand why they call it heartbreak: it literally feels like someone is inside of you tearing your heart in half.

I keep trying to stop crying, but just when I think I might finally be calming down, I remember what happened, and my sobs erupt loudly from my chest once more.

When I hear the sounds of one of my roommates trying to unlock the front door, I try in vain to wipe my eyes and regain my normal breathing.
Monica enters, trying to flip her dark hair out of her face as she balances the various groceries she's attempting to carry in at once.

I almost think I might get away with not having to explain my current state to her until I foolishly sniffle. This causes her to look in my direction, and her eyes widen as she takes in my appearance, something that I'm sure is quite repulsive right now.

Hesitantly, she walks towards me and offers me a hand. I take it and pull myself up.

Don't cry, don't cry, I chant to myself as I look down and bite my lip.

"Are you okay?" she asks, the concern clear in her voice. I meet her eyes and begin to tell her that, yes, I am okay, but when I open my mouth, all that comes out is a strangled sob.

I cover my mouth and look away as I begin to cry again. Monica opens her arms, and I collapse into them without any second thoughts about how strange of a situation this is for us: two people that see each other every day yet are nearly strangers.