The Hearts Eclipse

Chapter 16: Shadows of the Past

The terrain dragged on endlessly under a flat, overcast sky. On the ground, the air was motionless and stale, and Draco felt as though it were somehow viscous, dragging on him and slowing him down, making movement with an injured ankle and cane even more laborious. At least the landscape seemed less hilly for the moment, and Draco found himself grateful for the rolling fields and tree-dotted floodplains that twisted their way between the mountains and hills to either side. Besides, speed wasn't the objective any more, he reminded himself. The new game was observation. Harry had already found a hawthorn bush in a thicket, and the thorns had been carefully tucked into Draco's pocket with the other ingredients. Since then, however, the search had been fruitless late into the afternoon. Draco was frustrated, and it was obvious that Harry was nervous. Beyond nervous. Several times, Draco had tried to engage him in casual conversation, but to no avail. Harry wouldn't be pulled into conversation, or otherwise distracted from the black thoughts that must be floating through his head, and his state of mind showed in his every movement.

While Draco was walking with an explainable limp, Harry had no reason other than sheer exhaustion for the way his trainers scraped the ground with every step. His head might have been down because he was looking for the periwinkle, but Draco suspected that his head drooped for the same reason his shoulders slumped. Harry's eyes had deep shadows underneath them, and his hands hung limp at his sides as he walked. The only signs that it wasn't simple fatigue ailing him were the pinched appearance of his mouth, and the harsh set of his jaw. Draco wondered if their expressions matched. A couple of times, Harry cried out in excitement, thinking that he'd found the small blue flowers, only to look closer and discover that it was a case of mistaken identity or wishful thinking. If anything, that only caused the disappointment to weigh heavier on him. After the third such mistake, Draco knew it was time for a break, if for no other reason than to distract Harry for a few minutes. "Harry, do you want to stop for a snack?" Harry didn't even look up, and he replied with a question. "Are you hungry?" Draco suppressed a sigh, knowing there was only one way to get Harry to stop. "Yes, a bit."

"Okay then."

Harry wasted no time digging a pear out of the sack and passing the sack to Draco, still without making eye contact. Draco accepted the bag, but paused mid-motion as he reached into it. He couldn't stand Harry's prolonged silence, but casual conversation wasn't going anywhere. After digging up an apple, Draco settled back and decided to go for the direct approach. "What are you thinking about?" Harry merely shrugged, which caused Draco's frustration to spike. "Harry, you can't keep going on like this. Are you going to talk to me, or are we going to observe a vow of silence for the rest of the trip?" He waited for Harry's reply, hoping the careful balance of irritation and concern would work.

For a long moment, Harry sat staring off into space, chewing a bite of pear. He swallowed, and waited another moment before speaking. "Not much to talk about, I guess." Draco frowned. "There's a lot to talk about, and you know it. What would you talk about if Granger and Weasley were here instead of me? You said you confide in them, right?" Draco had expected some sort of reaction to that. Either an emphatic "Of course, they're my friends!" or possibly "You don't know what I talk about with them, and don't pretend to understand." He would have even been satisfied with an emotional outburst about how much Harry missed them. He didn't expect the odd downward twist of Harry's mouth, not quite a frown, or the furrowed eyebrows. Draco fidgeted. "Well, don't you?"

"Not so much, lately," Harry said sadly. "They were the only ones I really could talk to, but after last spring, at the Ministry, I didn't feel much like talking. To anyone. And for so long, everyone thought I was crazy, and even though Ron and Hermione said they didn't think I was... I just didn't want to talk about everything that was going on. After so much shit, there's just not much to be said anymore." Understanding slowly washed over Draco. "After a point, what can you say, right?"