Broken

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-Patrick's POV-

Playoff are coming up quick and I was... unfocused to say the least. I needed something to keep me grounded, I needed someone to confide in, I needed my best friend and I lost her. I was constantly worried about Skylar, whether she was okay or if she is happy. If she was half as distraught as I was I know that isn't true. Lately I've wanted to go to her but I've been scared I was going to hurt her again. I drive by her place everyday, sometimes I see her watching TV with Natalie and it takes everything in me not to run up there and explain everything. My car was totaled and I had to get a new one but that hardly left a dent in my pocket. Everything messed up from the crash was okay except our relationship, but that was my fault. I've been avoiding Skylar the past month or so. Since that night I walked out I haven't had contact with her whatsoever. I just don't feel like I'm good for her. She was stuck in her apartment for a few more weeks so she was always in her books anyway, she's texted and called a few times but I ignored them. I can't live with myself thinking I could hurt her because of who I am. Once the news got out about the crash I was so scared they were going to say something about her. They would find out her name and dig up her past, they could contact her dad about the crash and all of that would come back up, all the things she worked hard on would collapse and I wouldn't be able to live with myself. She moved here so people wouldn't judge her because of her family and if her name got out all that stuff would be dug up and she would never hear the end of it. She isn't the daughter of psycho dad and murdered mom, not the sister of stabbed sister, she was brilliant and kind and passionate. No one would see that once everything gets out. I can't hurt her more than I already have. She means the world to me and she's going to do great things, but not because of me. I'm holding her back and I couldn't do that. I think she understands what I'm trying to do. The texts come less frequent and it's no longer asking what's going on. They're just updates and random jokes. I miss her more than anything in the world... but if you love something let it go.

The team makes it to the western conference finals before getting eliminated. It was a lot farther than most people expected but it still stung. It was especially hard from me because I didn't have my girl to comfort me. She always had the right thing to say or would have a nice meal made when I got home. She would massage my shoulders and tell me everything is going to be okay, I miss her. Lately I've been regretting my decision. It seemed like a good idea at the time but maybe the risk wasn't worth it. I know she doesn't come find me because she respects my ideas, that's what Jonny says at least. Sounds like her. But now summer is half over and I usually just chill at home. I go to workouts or to a bar but that's about it. My phone rings and Jons ID pops up.

"Hey Captain what's up" I ask.

"You're a dumb ass you know that" he says into the phone. Such a welcoming greeting.

"I've been told but I'm too stupid to listen apparently" I joke back. He was having none of it.

"Skylar is a great fucking girl and she's been through so much shit. I swear to god that if after all of that, you're the reason she breaks I will be very upset" he says almost yelling. Why does he care all of the sudden?

"Damn... what's your problem" I ask confused to where this conversation is going.

"You. You nearly kill the girl, tell her you love her, than leave her high and dry? She trusted you with her deepest secret and you left her. Anyone who knows who she really is should be honored to know her, but she can't be that same girl because you broke her. What's your problem" he screams.

"I'm not good for her! You know that. I almost killed her. I probably broke her heart if she's even a fraction as messed up from all of this as I am. I love the hell out of that girl but I was a ticking time bomb. Sooner or later it was all going to blow up and I wasn't about to sit by and watch it happen. So I ran. What makes you think she would even take me back" I yell. This was my problem, not his.

"Because Patrick... she still loves you as much as you love her. Shes not even denying it like she used to. She's brilliant but is stuck in the past because you fucking left her there. It's been two months and I think that's more than enough time for you to think. Get your head out your ass and find her" he yells before hanging up.

I toss my phone on the couch and run my hands down my face. I'm guessing Natalie told him what happened to her family and knowing Jon, he loved Skylar like a sister, he's just trying to protect her. The thing is I'm probably the last person she wants to see. I know that if I would see her I would lose it. I would want to kiss her, run my fingers through her hair, make her smile so I can have that weightless feeling again, do anything to hear that laugh again. God, I missed her. My parents were asking about her and I haven't told them yet. I know they talk to her too and she hasn't sold me out because she's that great of a great person. She hasn't told anyone about the accident either, she was protecting me and I just let her go. So many nights I wanted to call her like I used to. Hear her soft voice telling me she loves me. She was my best friend and I'm supposed to be there for her. I want to go out and beg for her forgiveness but who in their right mind would forgive me?

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