Nathan Cole was the love of my life. I just knew it in my heart as I saw him for the first time, he was everything I ever wanted and needed.
He always wore a smile no matter what happened, he pushed people to be the best versions of themselves and fought by their side in the pursuit.
He had chocolate brown hair, a couple strands of hair always managed to drop in front of his eyes which he furiously tried to get control over. His eyes was as blue as the ocean, making others drown as they looked into them. A scar could be seen on his cheek, small enough that it didn't affect his good looks but large enough to notice.
Even if you would label him as attractive, it was his personality that truly shined.
He was humble, generous and kind. He was unique. He was the only one I ever knew who had his heart full of love, willing to give everyone around him so much of himself.
His group of friends didn't really understand him. They were much more interested in getting drunk and hooking up with girls, they thought their reputation was the most important part of school and life and that reflected on their grades. Nathan didn't seem to get dragged down by his peers, he stayed motivated to do the best that he could for himself and didn't think less of those who gave less.
He was smart. Like, really smart. He thought education was important and aimed high, applying to colleges all over and honestly, any college would be lucky to have him. His parents were so proud of him, I could see it in their faces as they hugged him tightly.
I always wanted what was best for him, his happiness had to come first. I really thought that he deserved the best, I just didn't think that I was that to him.
That's when Amy entered. It broke my heart to watch him look at her the same way I wanted him to look at me, but I found calmness in his happiness. His laugh echoed through the halls whenever they walked together, I could always tell which one was his. He always managed to make me feel warm inside without trying and I think that was the saddest part of it.
I would lay awake in my bed, looking up at the ceiling and wondered what they were up to. I just couldn't help it – thinking about the first time they kissed or which one of them said "I love you" first.
At school I would watch them have a conversation and laughing at something I couldn't hear. If I were to count how many tears fell from my eyes.......
They lasted one year and two weeks.
I watched them as they went from one person to two individuals again and it was like it never had happened. She went back to going to parties and hooking up with random guys, and he... he went back to his books.
There was something about him after their breakup that changed him. His smile wasn't the same and for a short period of time his grades dropped. Sometimes I wished I had the power to make all of his problems and worries go away, but I couldn't.
After a few months, his smile reappeared and he was back at it with his normal ways. Just the way I knew and loved him. It was strange how his mood affected me, it was like I felt his pain.
He found his happiness again and I couldn't be happier about it.
That's when the accident happened.
It was a car crash. I was the only one in the car who died. It was quick and I felt no pain, I just saw Nathan standing in front of me and giving me a reassuring smile. That's when I knew everything would be fine.
Everybody at school lit candles for me and my friends brought pictures of our time together. It was beautiful. I saw some of them crying which was surprising, I didn't think my death could affect them that much.
I watched as Nathan glanced at my pictures and smiled softly, like he was saying goodbye to me. He stood there for a while and I saw some sort of calmness in him, like he needed a moment to take it all in.
My only regret is that I never told him how much he meant to me and how much I loved him. To him I was just another face in the crowd. Even though I thought about walking up to him and introducing myself a hundred times, I never found the courage to.
He never knew me, but I felt blessed to have known him, even if it was from a distance.
