Victoria

Thirty three

Victoria

"Hush little Amir, don't you cry. Auntie's never gonna go bye-bye," I sang softly as I rocked my nephew, Amir Kaseem Thompson, back to sleep. At only a month old, I could already tell he was gonna favor Kaseem so much.

My mind involuntarily reverted back to the fact that he would have to grow up with out a father, and my vision became blurry. I carefully moved my arm so that I was able to wipe my eyes before sitting down in the rocking chair in the corner of his nursery.

When I got the news of Kaseem's death, it was like my heart stopped. My little sister was in the hospital giving birth to their son, something that they should have had the opportunity to experience together, and right after she got the heartbreaking news that her fiancé had been a victim of police brutality.

I remember finally turning my phone on, getting to the hospital, and hearing her cries of question to God about why this was happening to her as soon as things were starting to look up in their lives. I wish I could give her an answer and cure all of her pain but I couldn't.

What I do know is that Kaseem's death was not an act of God. It was simply a group of people whose responsibility is to protect and serve us, using their power to kill us because they know that the system will always be in their favor.

I'm not saying all cops are bad, but I'm also not saying that one good black man is gonna make somebody love all of us. I'm saying that because a police officer wanted to play God, my nephew is gonna have to grow up without a father.

I spent that whole night praying for our family's strength.

After her break down at the hospital, our parents thought it would be a good idea for Vanessa and Amir to move back in the house with them so that she would have someone to help her with the baby. She agreed without any fight. I think that's because she was numb to everything around her.

All four of us had a nice, long conversation about everything that had happened over the course of the past few months and came to common ground. Nothing was back where it was before, but they weren't horrible either.

Vanessa was functioning well for about a week and a half after his funeral and then it really hit her that Kaseem was gone. I had gone over my parents' to see her and Amir. He was getting ready to wake up for a bottle and Vanessa had went in the kitchen to get it. She was gone for too long and when I went in the kitchen, she was on the floor in a ball, crying her eyes out.

As much as I wanted to bawl with her, I had to do that on my own time because she needed me to be her support system. It wasn't gonna be easy, but I couldn't let my sister and my nephew's lives go down the drain like that.