It's 2AM again and I'm thinking bout you.
I'm thinking about the way you used to looked at me.
The way you said my name.
The way you played with my hands.
Congratulations, I played myself.
While I was up thinking bout the small things you do to make me smile, I tried to forget all the lies and hurt you put me through.
My question is why?
Why me?
What did I do to deserve all of this stress and unhappiness?
I'm too young to be stressing over someones son.
Here I am, my stupid ass thinking 'oh, he loves you' and 'he keeps coming back to you after his little flings'.
When I should have been saying 'his ass ain't good for you' and 'forget him, he ain't no body worth crying for'.
All those years I've wasted.
All those tears I've wasted.
And the fucked up thing about all of is I'll do it again.
I think I'll never so fuxking with you.
I'm so afraid of being lonely I'll put up with your bullshit longer than I have to.
I don't even know why.
My heart is screaming at me begging me to stop.
Stop before I'm completely broken.
But, guess what?
I played myself.
His smile draws me back in every time.
Someone please help me.
I can't do it anymore.
But I will.
I will do it with tears in my eyes but I will.
~Shante Johnson
