The Edge [#Wattys2017]

The Edge

"No, Stop!"

"I can't"

"Of course you can, just please, take my hand!" She called out desperately, holding out her hand in the hopes that he would listen. He shook his head, almost looking manic as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Why-wh-why should I, huh? You don't really care!" He spluttered, with tears rolling down his red tinted face. He drew nearer to the edge, as his breath came in and out in fast short intervals. She became panicked as her heart was practically beating out of her chest. This couldn't be happening.

"I do, I do, Please!" she begged. She had not yet realised until now that she was crying, now that she thought about it, it explained why her eyes felt like the centre of an inferno. He neared the edge...

"It doesn't matter, it's too late for me anyway" She took one look at his vacant, glassy eyes, he was so far gone, she did not know if she could save him again. All she wanted now was to tell him...

"I'm sorry, I love you" he said. She screamed in pain as her greatest fear had finally come true.

24th March 2018, she breathed a sigh of anguish as she read the date on her phone.

Two years.

It had been two years since his death and, she still felt like she did on the day it happened. Hurt, dark, empty. Granted, it wasn't all that bad, she only had to live the last year of sixth form-of constant reminders-without him. But she always tried to remind herself that a year was nothing compared to the rest of her life.

She didn't know why she had to torture herself like she did. Any other person would try to avoid the excruciating pain that was self-hatred, and move on with their life, but she couldn't...just like he couldn't.

There actually had been a time where she had tried to move on. He would want you to be happy, she had thought, there's nothing you can do now, he's gone, and it worked. Until one day when she walked along the pavement and saw a tall-ish fair skinned male, with a large, eccentric afro. He turned around and, as if she was seventeen again, she pictured him smiling at her, mouthing the words 'I love you' just like he would do in class when they thought no one was looking.

Her heart hurt at the memory, she missed him so much. She took the picture she had of him off of her desk, looked at it one last time, before putting it in her pocket. If you hadn't done what you did, you wouldn't have to look at a picture of him everyday. She shook her head.

Taking a step outside she felt a wave of cold air hit her face, she shivered in response, of course it was cold.

" Where are you going, Jess?" she heard a voice call before she could take another step.

"To the shops, I'll be back in an hour" She called back.

"Okay, stay safe"

"I will" she said before taking another step, and fully emerging into the outside world.A gust of wind struck her face, she shivered as the cold air brushed against her skin. She hated the cold. Gosh it's freezing she thought as she put her hood up and stuffed her hands in her pockets.

As she walked along the pavement, towards her local Tesco, she begun to ponder the last time she had been outside to go somewhere other than school. She couldn't remember. Ever since he died, she didn't go out very much. She spent the rest of her last year in sixth form, inside, working. It did earn her two As and an A*.Everyone had wondered how she got the grades, they thought she had spent all her time inside, moping. She had scoffed and said "Oh please, you didn't think I could break so easily did you?" Her friends laughed, "That's the Jess we know, welcome back" She laughed bitterly. If only they had known she used school work as a distraction.