letters to no one.

feelings are not real to me. {TW}

as he sat in the chair across from me, he concluded, "I've noticed that you have been more irritable than usual lately. you're making rude comments more than usual, you haven't been the kind, and nice individual that I know of. you scowl at every person that tries to ask you a question that you haven't been asked in a while. your arms starts shaking every time you put your head down to think about something. you start tapping your feet and play with the silicone bracelets that you wear on your wrists whenever you make eye contact with someone who you have not had a good experience with. your eyes do not inherit the same welcoming look as they did when I first met you. your warm smile is now cold. you come home everyday and you sit alone in your room. you've told me that you start frantically looking around because you feel lonely and you need to occupy yourself before you have yet another breakdown. this past week you've had four of them. you've told me how bad they get, I know. you said that you start shaking and start apologizing for an unknown reason. your pleas for help are muffled by the pillow that you clench close to your chest. I'm worried about you, my love. I'm worried because I do not want to lose you- as a friend, as a lover, as a human being.l I'm scared, my love. I'm scared that some day I won't be there to help you and you'll go back to your habits of shutting people out. I'm scared that you won't be the same anymore. I'm scared.