Lynn Was Tired.

Chapter 2

A/N: There is a major (well, somewhat major) trigger warning for this chapter. You have been warned. (Also this one takes a crazy turn and it's really long and I'm sorry)
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The next morning, Lynn went back down to her car because she needed to finish unpacking her few possessions; she had gotten so entranced by how amazing her new abode was, that she curled up in her new bed and fell asleep. It was late when she had arrived, anyway.
She ran down the three flights of stairs and went out to the parking lot behind the apartment complex where her silver Honda CRV was parked. All she had left in her car was a few boxes and she'd be done unpacking as soon as she brought them up to her apartment.
She couldn't get all of the boxes in one go, so she stacked three small ones on top of each other and she began to carry them back up to her room.
     She climbed the three flights of stairs and sat the boxes on the floor in front of her door so she could get her keys out and open it.  She thought she heard a door open from behind her, and she turned around.
     "Hi!" Lynn jumped.  There was a girl standing there in the doorway of the apartment directly across from Lynn's.  The girl was beautiful; she had hair that was so blonde it was almost white but still had the right amount of yellow, bright blue eyes that were even bluer than the outside of the apartment complex, and she was wearing a faded maroon crop top with considerable short shorts and black and white Converse.
"Hi," Lynn replied, too captivated by the girl's looks to come up with an intelligent answer.
The girl giggled and suddenly seemed to notice all of the boxes and her face lit up. "Oh!" She exclaimed, "You're the new neighbor!"
     It was Lynn's turn to giggle.  I get to live next to this girl? This should be interesting...
     "Yeah...I actually just got here yesterday.  This place is really nice."
     "Are you from L.A.?" The girl asked.
     "No, actually...I drove here all the way from Boston..."
     "Massachusetts?!" The girl was shocked to hear that Lynn had come from so far away.
     Lynn giggled.  "Yes, of course Massachusetts.  Do you know of any other Bostons?"
     The girl laughed so hard she snorted.  Oh god, she's so cute, Lynn thought.
     "I guess you're right about that," the girl finally replied when she had regained control of her breathing.  "Oh, by the way, I'm Caroline, but you can call me Carrie for short."
     Caroline stuck her hand out towards Lynn and Lynn said, "Nice to meet you, Carrie.  I'm Lyndsey, but you can call me Lynn for short."
"It's wonderful to make your acquaintance, Lynn."
Lynn was honestly so infatuated with this girl already, she was sure it wasn't good for her health. Lyndsey Gunnulfsen, you're not supposed to fall in love with girls you've just met. You're not supposed to catch feelings for anyone out here. Lynn often thought to herself about things like this.
Carrie took Lynn's hand suddenly and asked, "Do you need any help carrying more boxes up here?"
Lynn had completely forgotten about her boxes.
"Yeah, actually there are only a few left, but if you want to help I wouldn't be opposed."
Carrie giggled. "Okay, as long as I don't have to carry anything too heavy; I have a bad back."
"That's fine! I'll do all the heavy lifting...except there are only about three or four small boxes left, so we won't have to do that much lifting."
Lynn and Carrie walked down the three flights of stairs heading outside with Lynn leading the way to her car parked in the lot. She unlocked it and opened the trunk, handing Carrie a medium-sized box and taking the other three for herself.
"Oh, come on, give me another one," Carrie begged.
"What? I thought you said you have a bad back?"
"I do, but this is nothing. There's only like a few notebooks in here. I can handle two boxes." Lynn liked the sort of independence Carrie was showing her.
"Okay, fine. Here you go," Lynn handed Carrie the smallest of the three boxes she had been carrying.
The two girls walked back up the three flights of narrow steps to Lynn's apartment.  When Lynn unlocked the door, Carrie gasped.
     "Can I help you decorate this place when you get settled in?"
     "Um...sure?" Lynn hadn't been expecting Carrie to ask that, but it was fine.  She also hadn't been planning on decorating her apartment, but she had to now.
     "Yay! Oh my goodness, I love decorating! I can also help you organize your stuff and help you put it away if you want me too!"
     This girl is extremely passionate and hyper...I like that.  Lynn was more laid back and didn't really get very excited about things like decorating or unpacking her stuff.
     They walked into Lynn's apartment carrying all the boxes inside and shutting the door behind them.  Lynn plopped down on the couch, putting her feet up and staring at the ceiling.
     "Where should I take this stuff, Lynn?" Carrie asked.
     "Oh, you can just leave it there."
     Carrie looked mortified.  "What? You just want me to leave it here? ON the middle of the living room floor?"
     "Yeah...I mean, all of the other boxes are there...and it's not like I'm going to leave them there forever." Lynn didn't see what was such a big deal.
     "Okay...it's just that I want to help you now."
     Lynn looked at her weirdly.
     "What? I have OCD," Carrie replied somewhat flustered (not necessarily at Lynn, but the fact that she wasn't organizing Lynn's stuff).
     "So...OCD and a bad back? Life sucks, doesn't it?" Oh god, yes it does.  Lynn would know.
     Carrie rolled her eyes and said, "Okay.  I guess I can hold off ON organization for a little bit..." Suddenly her entire face lit up.  "Hey, I know what we can do!"
     "What?" Lynn wasn't one much for doing things.
     "Why don't you tell me about yourself?"
     Lynn didn't really like talking about herself, but she guessed she could make some small talk with Carrie...
     "Okay...well, what do you want to know about me?" Lynn asked.
     "Why did you move all the way out here?"
     Come on, Lynn, you can do this.  It's simple.  You've talked to people before.
     "Well...I told everyone I was moving out here to find out who I was...but that's actually not the reason..."
     "What was the real reason?" Carrie had the most interested look in her eyes.
     What's she going to think about me after I tell her?
     "Well..." Lynn trailed off and took a deep breath before continuing, "I left Boston because it was killing me."
     "What do you mean?"
     Goddamn, this girl liked to ask questions.
     "I was getting bullied...a lot.  And not just by people my age, either.  Everyone liked to poke fun at Lyndsey Gunnulfsen because she was an easy target for them," talking started to seem strangely easy around Carrie.
     "But why on earth would people pick on you like that? You're so beautiful and sweet!" Carrie's cheeks immediately turned red...as did Lynn's.
     "Well, first of all, look at me..." Lynn gestured to her half-shaved head and dark clothing.  Not to mention the eyebrow with the slit shaved into it.
     Carrie had been sitting on the floor, but when Lynn said that, she got up to move to the couch next to Lynn.  She sat down and kissed Lynn's forehead.
     "You're beautiful."
     "Thank you, but back in Boston people didn't care about how attractive they thought I was.  I was different than the rest of them, and they pretty much hated me for that." Carrie was sitting very close to Lynn; it was to the point of Lynn getting butterflies in her stomach and flinching every time Carrie looked at her.  Keep it in your pants, Gunnulfsen.
     "Well, I love that you're different.  Around here, people are crazy, but they all look the same.  They're all bleach blondes with tan skin with lots of money and earthly possessions." Carrie was a bleach blonde, but she was definitely not tan and most likely did not have as much money as everyone else in Los Angeles.
     Lynn kept ignoring the compliments.  She hated compliments; she didn't know how to accept them.
     "I also got made fun of a lot because I'm gay.  My ex-girlfriend actually dumped me because I was being made fun of so much and it was affecting her social life."
     "Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that..." Carrie looked genuinely concerned.
     "It's fine...she was a bitch anyway."
     A look of surprise crossed over Carrie's face as if she wasn't expecting Lynn to say that, but then she started giggling.
     Lynn started giggling, too.  "I don't even know what's so funny, but I agree with it."
     That made them laugh even more.
     After they had calmed down, Carrie decided to start asking Lynn more questions.
     "So...when you said living in Boston was 'killing' you..." she looked slightly uncomfortable, "What exactly did you mean by that?"
     This was what Lynn had been expecting.  She knew she would have to tell Carrie eventually.  She hadn't even meant to tell her that Boston was killing her; it just slipped.  She had been putting off telling Carrie the truth behind her words; actually, she hoped Carrie had just forgotten.
     But Carrie hadn't forgotten.
     So she had to tell her.
     Here goes nothing.
     "When I was living in Boston...and I was getting made fun of...and everything was terrible...I tried to end my life...multiple times..." Okay, it feels a little better getting it off my chest, but I still don't know what she's going to think about me after this...
     "Oh my god, Lynn...that's horrible."
     "Yeah, well, the first time I did it I tried to hang myself...but it failed.  There was this huge tree in my backyard and I tied a rope around one of the sturdiest branches that was low enough that I could reach it, but just high enough that it would pull me up off of the ground and I could actually hang myself...
     Something happened and I guess I did it wrong, but the noose I tied wasn't working and the neighbors found me and it was just a huge mess..."
     Carrie looked like she was about to cry.
     Oh god, she hates me.  I knew she wouldn't like me if I told her this stuff.
     But to Lynn's surprise, Carrie asked to know more.
     "There were other times?"
     "Yes..." Lynn trailed off, looking guilty.
     "How many?"
     "Three...including that one."
     "Oh my god...Lyndsey...What did you do for those ones?" She still had the same interested look on her face, but this time her eyes glinted with worry.
     "The second time was the worst...Are you sure I want to hear about it?"
     Carrie closed her eyes and nodded her head.
     "Okay...well, I felt like the entire world was against me for like the billionth time that month.  So, I decided to try and end it once again.
     I went into my bathroom and rummaged through the medicine cabinet...I was looking for something powerful enough to kill me.  I found something, but I don't remember what it was.  I took a handful of pills and swallowed all of them...
     I don't really remember anything else, but I remember puking a lot and then I passed out in my room next to my bed...it was kind of crazy."
     Carrie looked even closer to crying.
     "Are you sure you want to hear the last one? It's not too crazy but you look upset..." Lynn didn't want Carrie crying over her.  I don't deserve to have a pretty girl crying over me.
     "No, it's fine.  I want to know," Carrie said.
     Lynn suddenly realized, This is a pretty intense conversation for our first day of knowing each other...maybe I shouldn't have packed it on so heavily.
     But Lynn told her anyway.
     "The last time I tried to end my life, I basically just cut myself a lot.  It was really deep and I had to go to the hospital, but I didn't die, even though I really wanted to.  When I woke up in a hospital I was confused and really upset.  Hell, I was pissed.  I yelled at the doctors and at my parents and at everyone.  All I wanted was to die and I couldn't even do that right."
     "Do you have scars?"
     Lynn normally didn't like talking to people about her scars, but she figured she'd already said so much that it wouldn't hurt anything to show Carrie her mutilated wrists.
     Lynn pulled up her sleeve to show Carrie the long scars that were buried deep in her skin.  There were vertical ones, horizontal ones, and diagonal ones.  They were all so ugly, but they were there.  They were a part of her, and they always would be.