Three weeks had passed. The school felt empty without him, it was as if the life of the party left. Everyone resumed their lives, laughter and chatter echoing the hallways as usual, and I was living my life as if I were mourning over a death. I was certain it was just me.
I also started seeing a psychologist, against my will.
My teacher got immensely concerned since I was rapidly flunking my classes, she didn't want to move me to the lower sets, so she contacted my parents. I guessed they talked about everything. I faintly remember an argument I had with my family that night, it was the first. I was sat in front of them but only heard muffled voices, everything was a haze. I didn't really care about what they had to say. They weren't convinced that there was nothing wrong with me, so they had me seeing various physicians and psychiatrists. There was obviously nothing wrong with me, that's why they struggled with getting any results. Instead of just seeing my school's guidance counsellor, my parents forced me to see a psychologist. I have sessions with her once a week, it's nice to talk it out and for the information to be confidential, at least.
These weeks haven't been agonising as I've learned to adjust to a different type of motivation. The motivation of seeing him again.
When your goal is so close by, you don't often fear of losing it, you expect it to stay in place, you'd expect to have time. But when your goal suddenly drifts away, the urge becomes stronger, more needy. The frustration of your goals drifting away profusely increases your urge to chase after it, soon you forget whether that goal is something you truly want or not.
But yes, I was going to see him again. Tomorrow, in fact.
Even though he left, rumours about him still spread, it was as if he was already a celebrity. I was so used to my attention being on him, his now vacant seat. The only thing left of him were rumours. I heard rumours being muttered like whispers from ghosts haunting a certain place, and that place being his old seat. I heard which company he was working for. Upon research, I learned that it was only an hour away from my town.
Tomorrow is Saturday, that's when I'll go to visit him.
It will be weird, we've only spoken once. But I can just say I visited him on behalf of our graduating class.
My efforts with getting through the week, I will be rewarded tomorrow.
;
I lathered myself with that rose-scented bar soap that night, just like I do everyday.
