they stood together in the middle of it all, frostbitten, purple-tinged fingers twisted together, clutching desperately to the warm current.
the wonder wheel sat looming before them, encasing them in ghostly shadows.
dan was breathing heavy, and grey pretended not to notice the far away look in his glassy eyes.
"are you sure?" she asked him, voice hesitant and careful, as if she were dealing with a fragile object that could crack at the wrong word or inflection.
dan nodded, his mouth set in a firm line.
together they walked down the ramp, shuffling against the graffitied brick walls, ducking under a sign with a creepy clown face, until they were right in front of the obnoxiously loud shade of blue that covered the middle part of the wheel.
"this way, this way..."
they were herded onto a cream-colored carriage; this one had open windows, allowing dan to continue taking deep gulps of the mind-numbing air; breathing was not coming easy to him, but the cold seeped through his lungs and reminded him of where he was, where he needed to remain.
"it's terrifying, isn't it?"
at first dan thought she was talking about the way the ground was shrinking beneath them, but then he looked up and saw the water.
dark, still, stretching as far as he could see, softly reflecting the glowing moonlight that lit up grey's eyes.
it was exactly what he'd dreamed about for months after his move to the city. the all-consuming blackness, the weight that would settle in his chest, the murky depths that would carry him away from the excruciating pain that plagued his entire body, squeezed the life from his heart.
the water did not care. the water did not know of a philip michael lester. the water did not know of 'phil is not on fire' and long train rides that filled his gut with anticipation. the water did not know about dil howlter or the manchester eye or the colorful dining chairs or the mornings they eagerly awaited the other's waking so they could commence the cereal-eating anime-watching routine.
the water had only one job: swallow everything. that one job that time always ate away at but never fully accomplished.
it could swallow him whole, inhale his pain and quiet his torment.
the idea was horrifically fascinating.
it could make him free.
"dan?" grey was nudging at his side again, pulling him back into reality.
he shook his head to clear the images flashing behind his eyes.
"sorry," he apologized. he let his gaze fall back to the water. "it's terrifying, yes. but it's also undeniably beautiful."
a/n: hi yes wow a longish update whoooo today i am stressed. bc college. college is stress. like? financial aid and required housing and scholarships im just.
(if anyone cares my college thing of choice is the eugene lang college of the new school in new york city, majoring in the arts with concentration in writing and music for my bfa, then their creative writing mfa) (do you see why im stress) (and im one year away from having to apply)
