To The One,
I finally got home after 5 hours on the road just to see you on your Pirena outfit and claim that reward kiss I am so crazy about. I'm sorry you had to sneak out and miss the much needed sleep in between your takes just to see me. You see Love, I can't help it. I miss you so much I feel like my heart is hurting so bad I can't even explain how painful it feels. I long for you. I need the proximity. I need to breathe the air that you breathe, feel you, see you, hear your voice, inhale your scent.. I need you like a drowning man needs air and it would destroy me to have you just a little.
I know the past year that we've been together has been bittersweet. It was never easy but it was always worth it. I know I always seem optimistic and hopeful but I have my fears too - the most is that you will leave me. Why? Let me give you two reasons.
First, Jason. We have always avoided him as a topic like plague but I know how I hurt you every time I have to be with him. Yes, I used the word 'have' rather than 'want' because I never wanted to be with him. It was more of a necessity to keep us safe. To save whatever we have and continue this relationship that I so badly hope will last a lifetime or more. When he found out about us and threatened that he will disclose everything he knows, I was so scared. Not for me, but for you. I have always been the wild one and you, my love, has always been so close to perfection. You did nothing but good. You don't deserve to be dragged into this so we decided that I'll stay with him and in return, he'll keep his mouth shut. He will have a trophy girlfriend and we have to endure this until we are both ready to come out. I'm sorry that I can't figure out any other solution for this. First quarter of this year you suggested for us to come out but I know you're not yet ready, you were rather just doing it for me. Then came Encantadia. I don't want your family to hate me more and I don't want to limit the possibilities for you. But Love, please know that there is no one else I would love to share things, memories, experiences and thoughts with than you. I can't wait to bring you to family dinners, ribbon cuttings, racetracks and random early morning drives. I want to share random videos of you and me in IG Stories (Robbyn has had too much exposure already) and finally admit that the necklace is a gift of yours. I can't wait to do things with you and for you.
Second reason, Trixie. I know, I know. We already talked about her. Countless times. And I know you already told me that she's just a friend who happens to be impossibly available all the time that's why you are always together. I know that already and I get that. I also admit that I said I will never get threatened and I may have said a few nasty things about her like she looks like a fruit or something (oh please G, no sermon muna). I know all of that and I admit that. But this may be the first and only time I am going to say this. Nagseselos ako and I am terrified that she probably can give you something that I can't - which is less complications. She's so available for you like throwing herself at you and don't you dare deny that she doesn't like you more than a friend, Glaiza. I know you're aware. I hate her. And I don't hate her because I'm mean. I hate her because she loves you and I'm afraid that one day you will love her too. There. I said it. I'm so freaking afraid to lose you. Because deep down this tough (and overly beautiful exterior, thank you very much) I have my insecurities too. I'm afraid that you'll choose the less complicated. I am terrified that you will get tired of me, my jealousy, my insecurities, my fears.. You see G, I love you very much. And when I say very much it means I love you with every fiber of my being. Past experiences taught me to keep a portion of myself whenever I love but baby, this is me all out. I am all yours. Literally. Figuratively. I love you. When I follow my heart, it leads me to you and when I am with you, the only place I want to be is closer. This kind of love is insane and I never even thought that this is possible but here I am, head over heels, with you. Like a love-struck puppy or something.
I guess what I'm just trying to say is please never get tired of me because I will never get tired of you. I love all of you. I love the jealous Glaiza which I see whenever I am with J or Raf (no denying because seriously Love you are so transparent). I love the moody Glaiza who tweets nonstop rants and then just realize everything she said after tweeting them. I love the Baby Glaiza who wants Peppero, lullabies and cuddling. I love talented Glaiza who writes songs, creates music and sings beautifully. I love nerdy Glaiza who binge-watches documentaries and reads random stuff. I love funny Glaiza who throws awkward jokes and crazy dance videos. I love naughty Glaiza who wants it on the table, couch, backseat of the car, dressing rooms (oh God, the list is endless). I love the imperfect Glaiza who is vulnerable, raw and honest. I love you one way or another, G. I love you in all forms of you. And just so you know, I don't care how hard being together is because nothing is worse than being apart. I can conquer the world with one hand as long as you're holding the other. You will always be my reason for everything and for that I would never need anything else.
You will always be sunset and sunrise for me.
You are mine and only mine. All rights reserved.
Excruciatingly but all willing in love with you,
Rhian
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There you go guys. Feeling ko lang parang unfair naman kung hindi natin alam ang thoughts ni Rhi so there. Hope you enjoyed! :)
