A Bachelor For Christmas

Walsh's Beans and Books

"Our own little town of Anne's Ferry is hosting the much anticipated show, Finding Mrs. Claus!  Once a farming town that thrived thanks to its ferry access to the Port of Whitmere, this cozy hamlet has recently reimagined itself as the holiday destination of the East Coast.

"Over the past two decades, boutique stores emerged along Anne's Ferry's main street and farms began catering to restless urbanites looking to relax in the quaint countryside without being too far from home.  There's a bustling parade and dazzling fireworks for the Fourth of July.  There's apple picking with chances to turn your harvest into cider or applesauce in the fall.  

"Then there's the busiest time of year for this small town — Christmas!  Lights, carols, reindeer, and oh so many Christmas trees — Anne's Ferry's spectacular holiday events helped it to beat out other festive towns, like Juniper Falls and Hereford Hills, in the race to be named the home of Finding Mrs. Claus!  Now everyone in town is excited to welcome all the lovely young ladies vying to become the Mrs. Claus to America's new favorite Santa, Rowan Thomas!"

"Bull shit," I growled, fighting my urge to toss a half eaten croissant at the news reporter on the old CRT television.  However, the coffee shop's smug barista slapped my hand with a towel before I could manage it.

"Quiet, I'm coming up soon!"  Her eyebrows bounced and her lips curled into an impish smile.  With a groan I turned my attention back to the TV.

"Many know Mr. Thomas from his inclusion in Forbes' '30 Under 30' feature this year.  His charming good looks, charitable pursuits, and inheritance of his family's toy company earned him the moniker of the All-American Santa Claus.  Now Americans everywhere are waiting for the premiere on Thanksgiving Day to see Mr. Thomas start his search for his Mrs. Claus.  Fortunately for you, we have our own Michael Jacobs down in Anne's Ferry to give us a special preview of what is in store!  Michael."

"Thanks Susan, here I am with a local business owner, Dina Walsh.  Dina, what do you think of your town hosting this show?"

"Don't you dare say it's brilliant," I said, massaging my forehead, unable to watch the interview unfold.

"Tea? Might help with that headache of yours."

I looked up to see a steaming mug presented to me.  With a sigh I took Dina's offering.

"Now shut up," she said, snapping around to face the TV hanging over the coffee bar in Walsh's Books and Beans.  "I'm about to get my fifteen minutes!"

"I love it.  All the drama, all the back stabbing, all the careless whispers.  It will be fabulous to watch from the sidelines.  If I wasn't already happily married, I'd do it just for kicks."

Despite loathing Dina's enthusiasm for the media circus heading to town, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Kicks?" I asked, almost snorting out my hot tea.  "Do people even say that anymore?"

"Shits and giggles apparently wasn't up to code, so they had me retake the interview.  They enjoyed my spunk too much to just throw it out."  The tall, lanky barista gave me a wink from over her shoulder before turning back to the TV.  The camera, or perhaps the ancient television, failed to capture the vibrant orange of her pixie haircut or the intricacy of the tattoos that decorated the majority of her body.  Not even the CRT's rather dismal quality, however, could hide the youthful enthusiasm brimming from the boisterous young woman.

My guess, though, was that it wasn't Dina's tenacity and charisma that secured her that TV spot despite her sometimes casual use of more colorful words.  Instead, I figured a rather meddlesome woman by the name of Bette Forte played a part in selecting the hippest resident in Anne's Ferry to be the town's mouthpiece.  Our numbers weren't great with the younger crowd and this show was our chance to dig into that market.