I'm thinking whether or not to change my bio on insta to a certain line in a song but I feel like ppl would get the wrong idea...
"I don't want to die, sometimes I wish I wasn't born at all"
-Bohemian rhapsody (queen)
🤔🤔🤔
Also quick rant:::
I love playing violin, I do. But. I hate having to stay in one position at a time to let my wrists and shoulders adjust. I have really bad joints mostly my knees and wrists but I'm some occasions it's my fingers and literally everything else lol. But I have this stuff I put on my shoulders and wrists that makes them really cold, it helps but I'm like shivering in a corner while everyone else is enjoying life :/
ALSO OMG
ALL CAPS
PEOPLE THINK IM TOO LAZY TO DO ANYTHING LIKE RUN OR PLAY AN INSTRUMENT. THE RUNNING: I MESSED UP MY KNEE BIG TIME AND I TRY BUT IF YOU SEE ME RUN HALF THE TRACK INSTEAD OF THE WHOLE THING IGS BECAUSE OF MY KNEE AND IM PHYSICALLY UNABLE TO CONTROL THE FAVT IT FEELS LIKE MY BONES ARE ABOUT TO STAB THROUGH. I ISED TO RUN.I LOVED TO RUN AND THATS WHAT GOT ME INJURED.
PLAYING AN INSTRUMENT
IM NOT A CONFIDENT PERSON. I CANT START A CONVO OR EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH A PERSON WITHOUT FREAKING OUT. PLAYING AN INSTRUMENT IS HARD DUH. But, I have the tendency to compare myself and it's not a good thing. Like said before I have anxiety.
This is what it makes me do
- compare myself to others
- I can hear every noise because I always feel like someone's watching me
- cracking knuckles
- panic attacks
- replaying conversations
- always putting myself down
- cant start conversations
- avoiding eye contact
And probably more but. The fact that I compare myself to others is enough to make me feel like I mean nothing so :/ there it is.
