But I'm Just a Boy // phan

(1)

// thank you to the wonderful @undecidedone123 for the amazing cover!!//

The volume in the room went from booming to silent the second I stepped over the threshold into it. Everyone's eyes turned to me. Then, as if they all were telepathically connected, everyone spun to the person nearest them at the same time and began to whisper.

"Is that who I think it is?"

"... the prince's knave..."

"... you mean ex-knave..."

"What nerve..."

"...left, a few months ago. In a huff..."

I knew what they all were thinking. Why was I here? What did I think I was going to accomplish here? Though I had never met any of these people before, they all know who I am. I had left, and had no business being here now, but neither did the  people milling about, not really in a line but more of a clump, whoever wanted to try next would leisurely swagger up the stairs to him, probably drunk on the wine that poured from a fountain in a corner. The guards I had left had slowly stopped organizing the new comers, and had stopped kicking the other girls and their families out once they had tried. They think I didn't have any business here, but I was still the closest one to him, even in the last few years, though they could never know that. I am the only one who might be able to do this.

Everyone knows that the only way to break the curse was true love's kiss. But Phil never had met anyone he'd consider his true love, so everyone was at a loss for what to do. Nowadays his chamber was constantly clogged with girls from all over, any age, size, colour or status. Girls he'd known, girls he'd spoken to once, girls he'd made eye contact with once and her sister. Everyone clamoring to be the one to break the curse, every girl convinced it would be she.

But then everyone saw me enter, and everyone went quiet, everyone began whispering. Sure, I was his best friend, the closest one to him.

But I was a boy.

I had screwed up my courage to try as the year was drawing steadily to a close. The curse would kill him after a year. Doctors swarmed around him almost as thickly as the girls; keeping track of his heart rate, feeding him liquefied anything, letting it slowly trickle down his throat and hoping it was enough, making sure his eyes stayed closed under the thick gold coins resting on his eyelids.They also washed his lips after every girl failed to wake him, checking him constantly for diseases and poison, watching the girls closely as they bent, making sure they didn't try anything funny.

It was hard to forget the times I spent as one of them. I had pressed a damp cloth to his lips every time I watched some girl kiss him, each peck like a nail in the heart. Eventually, I couldn't do it anymore, watch him get kissed over and over again while he and I both could do nothing about it. I had walked out, everyone silent just as they were becoming now.

The prince lay delicately on a table of glass, flowers from well wishers surrounding him like a thick, perfumed sea, the only clear part the stairs, a path for foolish optimists to try their luck at becoming the next queen. He wore his crown, and I could see where the metal was biting into his forehead, creating a deep red line. He had told me so many times how much he hated that thing, though I constantly reminded him that he was the prince and he had to wear it.

The prince.

But, as I mounted the stair with everyone's eyes on me, everyone still as stone with their breath caught in their throat in anticipation, some with wine glasses still pressed to their lips, all I saw was my best friend, the boy I had secretly loved for years , the boy I wasn't allowed to be with in public anymore but I was willing to break rules to see him, the boy whose hair was mussed under his crown, unbrushed for months, the hair I wanted to fix for him as he used to let me; I saw Phillip. Not a prince, not a curse, not a prize. Phil, my best friend.

I reached out my hand to touch his face, but a doctor, one who hadn't turned his back on me in shame, cleared his throat. I knew the rules. I had ten seconds. I just imagined that I did it, imagined he had his eyes opened, imagined he was blushing a little as he looked into my eyes, biting his lip like he used to. I closed my eyes, didn't think, didn't pause, didn't wait until my time was almost over, I just... kissed him.

Our lips connected, and my mind went blissfully blank for a split second before a gruff voice said "Alright then, you've had your fun," and yanked me away, thick fingers cutting into my sides as my feet were lifted off the ground.

It hadn't worked. He was good as dead. I struggled in his arms.

"No!" I shouted. "No! Please!" My resistances futile, I went limp in the man's arms and felt tears stinging behind my eyes. I wasn't going to argue, I wasn't about to bring up the others who didn't leave after they had tried, and even then weren't thrown out. Too much of my energy went to trying not to cry. We had been through so much. I had risked so much coming here, my whole life. Things I left him to keep secret. What would happen now? Now that everyone in the kingdom would know what I am?

But then, just before I was thrown out of the chamber by the large man holding me, there was a collective gasp from behind us and then-

"Dan?"