A Feast of Scraps - A Captain America Fanfiction

Ch 5 -Fight or Surrender

The nightmares came again that night, but later which was perhaps a good sign. Again, I came into the room carefully. "Buck, it's just a dream. Wake up buddy." I sat down slowly on the edge of the bed. Maybe that was better than having me stand over top of him. He moaned and it was the most horrible tortured sound. I slid my hand up his arm.

And then my whole body was moving forward as my arm was yanked hard. It took me a second to register that he was fighting me. By then, he was on top of me pounding my face with both his fists.

"Bucky! Wake up! It's me." Like an idiot, I sat up and reached for him.

Most punches don't faze me. Don't get me wrong, it still stings. But there's this knowledge that it's not doing any real damage because my flesh is hard to bruise and my body repairs so quickly. Bucky on the other hand, hit me like a truck hits you. The force of it had me bouncing under him as the bed springs bottomed out, but when I reached for him, he changed angles and the force of his fist to the side of my head sent me off the side of the bed and back into the wall. I let my shoulders hit first and rolled my spine down the wall to reverse my momentum, and launched towards the bed again, he was up and headed towards me just as hard and fast. Our bodies crashed together and I blocked most of his blows, but he landed a few good ones. It was ridiculous, but I didn't want to hit him and I didn't want to leave him alone like this.

What I really wanted as I called to him and shouted his name and dodged his feet and his fists was to reach him. I wanted to reach inside his chest and wake him up again. I wanted to see him in his eyes, not this cold monster that they'd turned him into.

He did this super fast combo kick move and got my ankle and knee buckling and then I was down on the floor and he got both his hands around my throat. "Buck," my voice came out in a hoarse whisper. His eyes were locked on mine, intent on his prey. I dug my fingers into his wrists, but I wasn't sure how long it would take to break his death grip and how much breathing time I had left before I passed out. I thought about Bucky waking up on top of my unconscious body, or worse my dead body. I really wasn't sure what it would take to kill me but if anyone could do it, it was him in this state. Coming back to himself like that would destroy him. He needed me just as much as I needed him.

I stopped fighting him and saw his eyes grow more intense; he was a hunter keen on the kill. No, surrendering wasn't going to help. I wondered what he would do to my limp body. Would he throw me out the window? Would he drag me downstairs to try impaling me or cutting off my head? I ran my hands slowly up his arms, trying to stroke calm into his muscles that vibrated with strain. Up his neck and into his hair, brushing it off his face. Did his eyes flicker? His grip didn't loosen. I held his face in my hands, firm but gentle and ran my thumbs over his cheeks. He blinked. My vision was starting to blacken. "I love you," I whispered.

His body stilled and he blinked again. "Steve?" He pulled his hands off my throat and this look of complete horror passed over his face. "Oh God. Oh God." He reeled back and I could see he was going to get up and run from me, run from this. I grabbed handfuls of his t-shirt and pulled him back on top of me.

"I'm okay," I said into his ear, but then I had to cough and he fought to get away.

"No, no, no," he said as he pushed my hands off him.

"Hey," I said in my best cut-the-crap military tone. "I've got you." I held him to me as tight as I could and kissed his head really hard. He stopped struggling but his body was strung tight with tension. "You're okay now. You're back. Let it go." I shook him hard once and put all the alpha I could into my voice. "Right now. Just drop it."

He sagged over me, a ragged breath sighing out in my ear. "Why do I wake up crazy, Steve? Is there some random trigger they put in that goes off sometimes because I have no idea how to turn this shit off."