what if.... - a twenty one pilots fanfic

part 1: the fame

(tyler's pov)

"tyler. tyler. bro, wake up."

my eyes fluttered open to see a muscular man with chocolate brown eyes and a sharp jawline shaking my shoulders. "the nightmare again?" joshua dun, my bandmate and best friend asked me as he poured me a cup of water from the nearby dispenser. i nodded timidly and took the plastic cup from his soft as silicon hands, my glance not rising from the floor. josh stopped for a moment, watching my every move intently, then sighed, shaking his head. 

josh knew how i'd been feeling these past few months. recently my anxiety had been getting worse than it ever had before. our band, twenty one pilots, had always been relatively underground in the music world- until now. all it took was one, two, three hits and now we were here. even at this very moment, we were feeling under pressure. we'd been booked for one of the biggest venues in the world, and although it was great to know we were appreciated, there was always going to be a dark cloud hanging over us. i knew those people weren't here for twenty one pilots, the humble band from ohio. they were here for twenty one pilots, the international sensation. i knew i was acting ungrateful. i knew i should have been proud for getting so far. but as long as i knew this was the case, i was never truly going to be happy. and it was only going to make him stronger. 

"let's listen to the radio," josh suggested, a cute smirk appearing on his lips. he turned it on.

"all my friends are heathens, take it sl-"

i cut the radio off quickly. "let's not," i scowled. "i swear to god, if i hear that song one more fucking time i'm going to barf." josh's smirk disappeared as he sat down next to me. 

"tyler, listen. i know that it's been hard for you recently. i know how you-" i rolled my eyes. "josh, shut up. i love you dearly but you have no fucking clue how i feel." he took a deep breath, still not looking away from my eyes. "listen to me. don't you think i'm nervous too? don't you wonder if i wake up every morning, petrified of the day to come? don't you wonder if every night i break down, trying desperately not to-"

he stopped. i stopped. we both knew what he was going to say. 

"i.....i......i need a moment, okay?" josh stuttered, rushing out of the room. i tried to follow him but he escaped quickly. "josh? josh, i'm sorry. won't you forgive me? josh?" he was gone.

"hey, what's up with josh?" a beautiful tall blonde woman approached me and held my hand, offering me support. "we had a fight. i was an asshole and now i've made josh upset." jenna, my wife, kissed me on my cheek comfortingly. "don't beat yourself up, ty. i'm sure it will all blow over soon enough. it always does, right?" wrong. it always has before, but now i'm not so sure. this isn't just a silly quarrel, over in 5 minutes. this is a real fight. this is us almost calling it a day on the band. on our friendship. "yeah, of course," i said to make her happy. jenna smiled approvingly. "see you before the show, yeah? and remember, smile!" we shared a quick kiss before she left, click-clacking in her smart heels. 

so now i was alone, in a grim corridor in a venue far away from my home. i'm isolated. i'm vulnerable. and most of all, i'm terrified.

then i say it.

"i wish none of this had ever happened."