* one month later! *
Today's the day. I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous ass hell! In less than 3 hours, I'm going to be a mommy. For the first time, I feel like I have a purpose.
My purpose is to be a mommy and a housewife. Not that I'm even sure Brantley and I will get married. Sometimes I miss us being goofy together and taking pictures together. I'm not sure how I'm going to act towards him when I get done with this C-section.
When we pull up to the birth center at the hospital that's when my nerves become frazzled. I don't think I'm ready for this. Maybe I could wait for a couple more days. What if Brantley doesn't want to be with me after this? What if he leaves? What if Clara and her brother don't want me to be their mom? What is Brantley going to name our son? My silent questions are interrupted when Brantley gets down on one knee right there in the hospital and looks at me and says, " Sarah, I know I could've picked a better time and place to ask you, but I' choosing to do it now and right now. Sarah Nicole Williams, I love you with all of my heart and I don't think I could ever live with myself if you ever left me. I want you to know that I'm never leaving and happy 19th birthday. Will you marry me?" It was sweet, honestly it was. " Yes, Brantley I will marry you. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm on the way to have our kids cut out of me."
When I got into the room where I would spend the next week or so, I got undressed and put on my uncomfortable hospital robe and got into the wheel chair so I could be wheeled to the operating room. When we got into the room and I was transferred to the operating table, I was given an anesthetic to put me to sleep. I don't remember the rest. I woke up in the hospital bed in the room where I would temporarily be living. Brantley was next to me, wide awake. I pressed the nurse call button and asked for some type of pain reliever, I didn't care what. In a couple minutes she was back with the medicine and my babies.
I got to hold them. They were so tiny and I couldn't bear to leave them here without me being here to know what they're doing to my precious babies. The doctor came in and asked what I wanted to name her and him. I answered Clara Rose Gilbert and looked at Brantley when he asked for the boys name. "Hunter James Gilbert," he replied.
When the doctor left I asked Brantley why he didn't name our son after him and he said, " I'm not going to give another baby my name after the first one passed away." " what?" I asked.
" Sarah, Hunter isn't my only son. I had a baby when I was younger. His name was Brantley Joseph. He was born way premature and he didn't make it. I felt like it was my fault. I can't give another baby my name. It would be disrespectful. In honor of me thought he has my middle name. " Brantley explained.
The only thing we did for the next few days is sleep and hold Clara and Hunter. On Saturday the doctor came in our room and told us that Clara and Hunter could come home with us and didn't need to stay. Also we were going home today.
