LIGHTS (Poetry)

64; Names, Faces, Nostalgia, I'm On The Outside

11-16-16
Can't you tell it kills me,
That these names are only hollow reminders of everything I'm missing
And everyone who won't be missing me?
And can't you tell that this much distance doesn't bring us close,
And you not caring is freedom somewhere but it leaves holes in me.
I've got too many holes decorating my body these days,
I don't really keep up anymore.
The energy is draining from me,
And I've spent the majority of my time not caring,
Because it avoids the fact that I do,
I care so much.
My stomach tells me I want to throw up,
With nothing in my system,
And belt marks painted across my waist,
These dips and curves like valleys,
I'm not sure these scars will ever heal.
I'm watching closely,
Keeping my interest to myself,
Holding on to the outside.
I didn't think I'd like it,
This fence between closeness and emptiness,
But I do,
I do because it's not close enough to destroy,
And looking at it now,
Maybe I'm caged in here for a reason.
I'd tell you chain link wouldn't stop me,
But I've been writing the same poem about a thousand times,
Trying to take steps backward,
Because I'm missing it all way too hard,
And my life was together for a simple second,
But holding onto that means caring
And some part of me can't,
Even if a bigger part of me always will.
I'm dying,
And I wish you could see,
But this room is a place you wouldn't step into.
I'd do anything to go back and I hate it,
I hate that it hurts,
And I hate that it always will.
But if I stop caring,
If I let go,
The past and the future don't have to matter.
- (m.m)

Late update oops. I wasn't in a good mindset but I'm doing a lot better now.