Savages

5: Secrets and Lies

The wind was screaming around the blackhouse. Judit had always thought that was a metaphor—the wind was screaming—until she came here. Here the wind really did scream. Like a choir of the damned.

Judit shuddered and wiggled further under her blankets. She was acutely aware of all that stood between her and the unfeeling force of the weather: flimsy wood, dry grass and cold stone. She hated storms. She pulled back her covers and let herself drop from the bed.

"Sannah... Sannah. Are you awake?"

She obviously was, as Judit felt a gentle gust of air as Sannah flipped back her blankets to invite Judit into her bed.

"Thanks," Judit whispered as she crawled in. She felt better with the warmth of her sister next to her, the rise-and-fall of her breathing.

"Are you okay?" Sannah whispered.

"Mm-hm. It's louder on my side. I think it's because I'm closer to the sea."

"We can swap if you like."

Judit didn't say anything, but she was touched by the offer. Such a nice gesture. Would she have thought of that? It probably wouldn't even have occurred to her.

Ever since they came here, Judit had been trying so hard to be a good person, but it was licit difficult. Failures kept creeping up on her. She'd be worrying about something else, and a failure would pop up its head in a place she'd never even thought about.

Was Sannah one of those failures? Judit curled into a ball, pulled the covers up over her shoulder. Sannah had clearly been sad while she'd been here, but she hadn't asked Judit for help. If she had, Judit would have helped her. But should she have done something anyway? How do you even help a sad person? Judit had no idea. She could barely handle her own problems. It felt like a failure, regardless.

"You okay?" she asked Sannah, into the darkness. It was all she could think of to say, and seemed pathetically short of her intentions. "How you feeling about going back?" she added.

"I dunno," Sannah said. "Scared. Excited, I suppose."

"Do you remember the trip over here?" Judit tucked the blankets under her chin. "It took so long."

"Yeah," Sannah said. "I hope we've still got some seasickness tablets." She was quiet for a moment, then said, "It'll be weird with just Gaen. I always feel like he hates me."

Judit felt herself stiffen involuntarily, then forcibly quelled it. It was hard to believe Sannah had no idea how Gaen felt about her.

"He's a bit scary," Sannah whispered. "Sometimes. So disapproving. You never know what he's thinking."

"I used to think that," Judit replied softly. "But I don't, now."

"What happened? Why did you change your mind?"

Judit thought of Caledia, of the kiss between her and Gaen, of summer sun and rainbow waterfalls, and bit her lip. The wind was roaring again, and she was glad she didn't have to answer.

"I just got to know him," she said finally, when the wind dropped. She wanted to change the subject. She was done with this. "Is it Saint?" she whispered into the darkness. "Is that who you'd sell the chang to?"