Hitch Your Wagon To A Star

n i n e

❝When it rains, look for rainbows. When it's dark, look for stars.❞
-Unknown

***

The Adler Planetarium stood in front of us. I had set Maya down, and we were just standing there in front of the building, our minds full of what's going to happen when we go inside. We may never be able to touch the stars, we may never be able to ride up on Maya's rocket and explore the moon, but for now, I can give her this. I can give her these stars, hoping they'll be good enough for now, for they're good enough for me. As long as I explore with her, anything is good enough.

"We don't have a whole lot of time, so, what do you say? Want to explore the stars?" I ask her, wanting to spend these hours fulfilling parts of our dreams. In the future, if she doesn't want to be friends, if she doesn't want to spend the rest of our lives together, if she doesn't want to have anything to do with me, and if we never fly among the stars together, as long as we have this, it'll be okay. As long as I was able to give her this experience, I can live with that. I don't want to be without her, I don't want to have her ever leave me, but I'm just happy we're here now. This takes my mind off of things as well, letting Uncle Edmund slip to the farthest part of my mind, where I've forced him to go ever since he bit the bullet. I'm still mad at him for what he did, but I can almost understand him. Life is beautiful like I've said before, but life is also extremely sad. There's too much sadness, but then again, there's never too much sadness to outweigh the happiness. There's always something to smile about, I just wish he knew that. I just wish he knew we were enough, for we were. I loved him so much, and through this all, I just hope he knew that. I hope he knew that this would pain me, I hope he thought of me and almost didn't do it, for as long as he loved me back, I can move on. I can move on, but it's going to be hard. It's going to be hard, for it was so unnecessary. He could still be with us, but he let the sadness overcome him and finally devour all of his happiness.

"Hey," Maya nudges me after a moment, a moment of me being engrossed in my thoughts. "You okay?" She asks as I look over at her, her smile no longer there. I don't want to douse the fire that I've got burning inside of her, for she was having fun. She was happy, and I don't want to be the one to take that all away, not over something that I couldn't have changed if I wanted to.

"Yeah," I smile, forcing the smile, but meaning the yeah. For I am okay, I just need to move on. Despite it only being over a week, I still need to let it go. I can't get him back, I can't change what has happened, I can only move on from here. "I'm okay."

"You sure?" She presses, and it reminds me of how I wondered the same with her, only for her to get angry with me. I want to tell her, see, you just care about me the same way I care about you, but I don't. I just nod my head and hold out my hand. I don't want to upset her, and despite how I may feel inside, I don't want her to worry about me. She has enough to worry about, and I want this day to be all about her. About us. About showing her I love her. She knows I love her, but sometimes people just need to be shown love, to really feel it.

"Let's go explore the stars," I tell her, wanting to change the subject.

"All right," she smiles, it reaching her eyes. "Let's go explore, Engineer Clark."

"Okay, Astronaut Maya. After all, there's nothing more I'd rather do. Not today, not tomorrow, and not with anyone else."

I squeeze her hand as we walk up to the door, only to open it and be met with the smell of a museum. I want to comment this, but Maya has never been to a museum, so she wouldn't understand what I mean.