Miracle | Zarry Christmas AU [COMPLETE]

FOUR

"Can we go home now?" Oliver questions. He'd been running around with his cousins as they exited the hospital, but he's tired now.

"Sure thing," Zayn says, digging in his pocket for his keys.

"Can Papa come, too?"

Zayn and Harry both freeze, and Zayn risks a peek at Harry's face.

"I...I don't think that's a good idea, Oli," Zayn says slowly.

"Well...well, I'm not going to your house or Papa's unless you're both there," Oliver says stubbornly, arms crossed over his tiny chest.

Harry sighs. Normally, he would fight this...but his son has just broken his arm.

"Only for a few hours," Harry says, "and only if it's okay with your daddy."

Zayn shrugs, biting his tongue to hide a smile. "Of course it's okay with me."

- - -
"Do you want coffee or anything?" Zayn questions as they make their way into the house.

"Sure," Harry says, bending to help Oliver take his shoes off, since he can only use one hand.

"Can I have a go-gurt?" Oliver asks.

"Yep," Zayn answers, pulling one out of the fridge as he starts the coffee pot.

"Zayn! You're not supposed to buy him those," Harry scolds.

"You know I can't help it," Zayn chuckles as he comes back to the door to take Harry and Oli's coats. "I mean, look at that face." Oli does his best puppy face, which Zayn mimics.

"Fair point," Harry mumbles. When Oliver makes that face, he looks so much like Zayn it's almost painful.

"H? Still want your coffee?" Zayn questions. Harry shakes his head, having been lost in thought for a second.

"Sorry. Uh, yes, please." He follows Zayn and Oliver into the kitchen.

"Papa, you sit there," Oliver instructs, pointing at the seat next to where Zayn normally sits.

"Huh? You don't want to sit in between us?"

"No. You gotta sit there," Oliver says more firmly, still pointing. With a fond eye roll, Harry sits.

"Here's your coffee," Zayn says, handing Harry the mug.

"Do you have -- oh." Harry was about to ask for coffee creamer, but cuts himself off, as his mug clearly already has creamer in it.

"Lots of cream and two sugars, right?"

Harry can't bite back his smile. "You remembered," he says softly. His heart is turning to mush. This is bad. Nope -- you're over him, he tries to tell himself.

"Of course I did." Zayn sits beside him. "Kiddo, how did you get yogurt all over your face?"

Oliver giggles. "It's hard to eat it with one hand!"

Zayn shakes his head. "Go wipe your face. You know where the napkins are."

With a huff, Oliver gets up from the table.

"So, H," Zayn says, "How're you doing, really?"

Harry hates that question. It's so loaded, and he doesn't know how to answer -- he only knows what he absolutely cannot say. He can't say, I miss you, or, I've regretted signing the divorce papers from the minute I did it. He can't ask, What did I do to make you stop loving me?

So instead he just says, "Oh, I'm fine. Everything's fine."

Zayn narrows his eyes. "You're lying to me."

"I don't know what you want me to say," Harry responds, surprisingly honest.

"I want you to say you're doing okay, but I want you to mean it. I want to know you're doing okay," Zayn says. Then his voice goes softer. "I...I worry about you."

Harry's throat goes tight. "You lost the right to worry about me a long time ago."

Zayn stiffens in his seat. Somehow, Harry knows his jaw is clenched, even though he's not looking at Zayn.

Then, surprising him, Zayn says, "I'm sorry."

Harry's head snaps over. "What?"

"I said I'm sorry. I... This isn't what I wanted. I just wanted you to be happy, H. I really didn't think I was giving you that. It's killing me that we're strangers now."

Harry wants to cry. "Zayn, we aren't strangers. I'll always lo --"

"Can I call Rowan?" Oliver interrupts.

"What?" Zayn questions, not even acknowledging Oliver's question. His eyes are frantic, voice afraid. "What were you about to say, Harry?"

Harry ignores him, barely able to believe he almost actually told Zayn he'll always love him. "You just saw Ro, you want to call him again?"

Oliver nods, so Harry fishes his phone out of his pocket and dials Liam. Liam gives the phone to Rowan and Harry to Oliver, and Oli leaves the room, chattering excitedly.

"Please tell me," Zayn pleads quietly.

"It's better if I don't."

They sit in silence for a minute, both unsure of what to say.

Then Zayn says, "Fine. I'll say it, then." He shifts closer to Harry in his seat. "It's always been you."

Harry's heart drops to his stomach. The day their divorce was finalized, Zayn had sent him flowers. Harry had cried for hours on the couch at receiving them before he even found the card nestled inside the bouquet.

"It's always been you."

"What...what does that mean? I don't --" Tears are brimming in Harry's eyes, and he has to swallow hard.

"Harry," Zayn half-chuckles. It's quite a sad sound. His large hand covers Harry's on the table; touching him is so familiar. "The love of my life," he says, and Harry's heart skips a beat. "It's always been you." Then he gets up from the table, not waiting for a response from Harry, and leaves the room.

If Harry thought he was over Zayn before, he's one hundred percent sure that he was wrong now.