Alone [IkariShipping/Paul x Dawn]

Silent Hope.

I felt broken.

Worthless.

Abandoned.

And alone.

Emotions I had never felt before intensely  swirled through my body, heating my veins.

Searing hot tears. A murderous headache. It felt like a ruthless dream. I had no control.

Cut.

A single cut, to make me feel alive. To make me feel something. But was there really a point? All I wanted to do was die.

This wasn't the first time. All I ever feel is pain. A mask to cover up my sadness. All I ever hear, ridicule and anger. And all I ever think is how badly I want to die, but oh, how badly I need to stay. I almost feel like the only person going through this, feeling this pain, etching every emotion by force. It feels inhumane at times. Why me? Why me? Why me? But then I realize that I shouldn't be alone. There are more like me.

Hey, by curiosity, when was the last time you smiled?

~X~

To calm myself down, I must have played at least fifteen games of Overwatch. I had nothing better to do. Nothing to keep me satisfied and nothing to distract me for the better. Besides, I had already beat Moon. Even though three plays of the game are quite rewarding in itself.

I had stopped crying about two games in, though, my breath was still crooked and short, hitched, rugged, but I had decided to finally plug in my headphones for voice chat.

I immediately started with, "We need a medic. Healer?"

No one changed their hero. Fine, I guess it was me.

I played my first round as Defense Mercy, and I even got an impressive rez.

The next game I played, I decided to play as D.Va.

Halfway through the game, one of my five teammates, a boy playing Soldier: 76 had said, "Yo, Horizon (which was my screen name),"

"Mm?" I asked.

"D.Va's pretty hot, don't you think?" The boy laughed, a completely obnoxious and unnecessary laugh, that rung through the screen, and I led him on by simply drawing out the word 'uhhhhhh' for what seemed like an eternity... of two minutes.

I really liked the internet. And I liked games like this. I liked playing with people of whom I didn't know. People who can't tear me down because of who I am, my interests. People who don't know me, what I believe in. People who don't know of my depression, my fears, my disorder. People who don't know of my languages, my ethnicities. My music, my soul. They were just people, as I was to them. No one was ever hateful to me, in fact, I was highly respected. As Horizon I just felt different. Popular. Liked. Needed.

Not that I was any different IRL. If only people in my reality could give me a chance.

I looked at the time and laughed. It was one in the morning. I stretched from my bed and grabbed some sweatpants, and a comfortable tee. I tied my hair up into a long, messy ponytail, and retracted the contacts from my pleading eyes. I put on my glasses for one more game, then I promised myself I would at least attempt a wink of sleep. I scoffed, barely probable.

~•Paul's POV•~

It was one in the morning and I had just finished the paper of which I had been dreading the due date for months. I decided to make some tea, get ready for bed and play a quick game of Overwatch, which, please don't tell the guys, but actually brought me much joy and relaxation. As well as anger, of course.

I logged in, and the game found me a match fairly quickly, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, we were Defense.

I decided to play Widowmaker, one of my better heroes.

We already had a Mercy, a Reinhardt, Mei, Sombra, and Torbjörn. What a team.

We entered the game, and shockingly did pretty well. Our Mei was actually doing a semi-decent job of placing appropriate ice walls and of blocking off the attackers, our Torbjörn's turret was in an okay spot, well concealed. Sombra stayed ahead and distracted. Reinhardt just went at it. Of course, Mercy focused on healing them.

"I have Rez." She said. Her voice was warm, tired, and almost familiar. You know?

That's odd, I'm not stereotyping, but I never see girls on here, and especially not on voice chat. They usually hide out so lovesick boys don't catch them. So that they just enjoy a game like everyone else on here.

"Mercy can you come down here? I've got three after me." Our Sombra asked.

"Yup! Reinhardt's doing pretty good even without me."

I had found a place to shoot and even got a few headshot kills, but a Mei from the other team found my spot as well and took me out from behind.

"Dammit!" I accidentally yelled out. Hopefully I didn't wake my brother of whom I lived with. "Mercy, can I have a Rez?"

I heard a laugh. More like a giggle. Barely audible, but still there. Haunting, lingering. "Absolutely not."

"Are you kidding?" I banged my cracking knuckles on my laptop keys in frustration.

"Kidding! Kidding, gosh." Suddenly, through the false gun shots and colorful voice lines, I heard, "Heroes never die!" And I was quickly brought back from the scene of how I was before known as 'dead.'

Our Sombra cheered, "That'll be play of the game!"

"Mercy how many did you Rez?" I questioned, genuinely curious.

"Only four." She laughed.

"Wow."

She gave one more small giggle on the other end of the line, and soon enough, our Mercy, better known by the screen name Horizon, was awarded with Play of the Game.

I decided to play one more game, as my body refused the overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. And sure enough, there on my team was that Horizon girl again.

"Hey Horizon, you on voice?"

"Yup." She replied, quieter than last I remembered.

"Doesn't look like anyone else is."

"Yeah..." This time around was attack, so I went with Reinhardt and her with Tracer.

We had an almost decent game. It was incredibly awkward, though. Both of us stayed on voice, but neither of us said much until later in the match. But I did hear a slight humming, I think she was subconsciously thinking of quick melodies, as I hadn't recognized any of them.

My friends tease me about it, and you'd never guess from my cold output in the world, but I'm actually awful at speaking to girls. I'm used to just turning all my emotions into quiet streams of the mind, besides I had a rough persona to keep up. Girls were never a part of my life plan anyway.

But, speaking to her felt so right. I've tried talking to girls on voice chat here before, and no, it's definitely not easier when they can't see my face. So why was this Horizon girl any different? She just made it all so casual, and easy, and fun, even.

We kept at the rest of the game with short commentary the entire stretch, and even ended up befriending each other in the end.

I felt like I had already knew her.