• Be My Princess 2: Sleeping Mirror •

[Prologue] The Sleeping Mirror

I wonder...How long has it been since I last spoke with someone? Since I last smiled and laughed happily without unconsciously being anxious about people leaving me? As far as I could remember, I've been talking only to a tiger with white fur and black stripes, or is it black fur with white stripes? Hmmm, I never really know or care anyway.

My existence out there in a world I do not know anymore, has it been long erased? Am I forgotten? Am I no one now?

I have no clue about where I'm at now. But, I do know for sure that I'm living in another world which seems to have only an exact copy of my old bedroom, except the furniture positions and everything are mirrored. There's something special inside the room though. It has a dusty silver mirror. Back then, I used it to check my appearance before ending up filling my head with hatred for myself and unimaginable insecurities. But now, the tiger seems to use the mirror as a door, but for me, it's like a wall, separating me from the world outside.

I thought I'll be okay here, that I'll be fine..

That's because I used to think that I don't need people, I'm not comfortable with them and start to builds a wall around me. I created a persona, another self of me that others will come to like but can't get close to. That people will think they know everything about me but they actually don't.

The more I think about all of this. The more I'm sure that this is probably what they said by 'Karma will get you one day and you can't run away from its painful, harsh punishment. People will regret what they did once it's too late to undo everything.' I know that and understand it the best.. but despite that, look what I got into now. I'm somewhere unknown to people.

I sighed softly before I stood from the dark blue bed. I walked to the mirror and put my hand on its surface. If I really need to describe it, I'd say The mirror is cold and nothing more. I can see myself in it. A figure that I really want to get rid of. A face that reminds me of my parents who never cared about me. Who said they understand me but they don't. I blinked for a few times and clenched my jaw before I turned my head around and saw the sleeping tiger slowly opened his eyes and gave me a somewhat intense stare.

The tiger has blue eyes and I have to admit it's beautiful. Unlike my dark brown eyes.. My eyes can't be compared to the tiger's eyes. His eyes are simply more beautiful than mine and mine have nothing special. Nothing that can make people likes me just by seeing my eyes.

He kept staring at me before I broke the eye contact first. I turned back to the mirror and put my hand on it, hoping that somehow there'll be a miracle. I've been trying to do this for several times and no luck about it.

I am mad and frustrated about how the tiger can easily leave the room while I'm not.

Why do I want to be free from this empty world so much? I told myself that I don't need people back then but the truth is I do need them. I knew that since the beginning but I'm too afraid and anxious. I'm afraid that they'll hurt me and I'll hurt them. I'm anxious about what they think about me and I know I'm a coward. I want to be free because I'm lonely.

I want to talk to someone. I want to see someone. I want to be saved. I want to be called. I want to be with my family again.

But no one knows that I live here. On the other side of the mirror.

Sometimes I wonder, does my family ever attempted to look for me when I disappeared from their sight? Is there anyone who's missing me now? But I won't be surprised if no one misses me. I'm just another girl, another friend, another person for all of them. I can easily be replaced by people and forgotten. I'm not that important. People only act like they actually care and likes me out of pity.

I'm very sure of that.

Let me tell you something. I tried my best to be positive. But sometimes it's hard to be positive. I always ended up with finding myself crying over my naïve thoughts. I once tried to do something that makes me happy when I'm down but then I realized I can't share that happiness with someone else. I used to have my brother. Compared to me, he's better at doing everything. Our parents always relying on him and he always looks perfect in my eyes. He always comforts me and encourages me although sometimes he did tease me and mock me.

But as I grow older, I came to understand that I shouldn't rely on him too much. That I shouldn't cling to him too much because one day he'll be busy with works and he'll start his own family. He'll be far too busy and have no time for a younger sister.

I really want to be just like the others. I envied people but at the same time, I think I'm better than all of them. What I'm feeling inside is complicated. I don't even understand it. I hate it but I love it.

Maybe this is my punishment from God or someone. Maybe I do deserve to be kept here. I mean, this is my consequences of being ignorant, selfish, prideful and envious of people.

But if I have one more chance.. If only I have one more chance. To talk to someone, to see someone. I'll try to throw away my old self. I'll try to push all of my negative thoughts. I'll try to be a better person.

But again, I'm sure no one will give me that one more chance. I'll die here alone. I'll never be in someone's memories.

I won't be remembered.