Cold Feet

           On one chilly night, I wander the busy streets of the city. I strolled around as people and vehicles pass me by. I'm sure I bumped a person or two and one was supposed to slug me but I didn't give a damn. My mind was drifting too far to care about minor details. I was too busy thinking that something was missing but I couldn't tell what it was or I just didn't want to know. As my mind drifted to the abyss, my feet took me to places I didn't want to remember but I just couldn't forget.

          I walked passed by that coffee shop you loved so much, the one where you'd take years to decide what you'd have but will still settle for a cappuccino. The regulars would even call you the Cappuccino girl but I'm sure you didn't mind. I looked at our favorite seats there from the window as if I could still see us sitting there like we had all the time in the world. I use to make you laugh every time you drink so you'd spill so on the table and cutely blame me for it. Thinking that I spent too much time reminiscing on what's gone, I moved along the cold pavements of the night. I walked through the park, where you'd make me chase you all the way to the lake and trip to the muddy waters. I'd laugh at your mud-stained shirt every time as you try to punch me. Hahaha, people might call me crazy if I keep laughing out of the blue.

          To be honest, I wanted those times back. I wanted the cappuccino back. I wanted the mud-stained shirt back. I wanted you back. I know it sounds pathetic but I can't keep lying to myself can I? I know I did a lot of shit in the past and I was too selfish to accept my mistakes but I'm willing to change. Might fate have mercy on me and give me a second chance?

          As I realize my whereabouts, I find myself in front of your door. Ironically here I am, standing in front of that second chance I wanted so much. What now? Do I knock or do I throw a rock at your window like all those romantic movies? Would you even talk to me or would you slam the door shut? Will you forgive me for all the wrong things I did or will you ignore me for the rest of my miserable life? Even if you did, would you still accept this piece of rubbish begging you to pick it up and take it home? All these questions but I just stood there like a statue waiting for a miracle to happen but none ever came. After mustering the courage I had left, I walked to your doorbell. It felt like the longest 3 meters of my life. My heart started beat like a jackhammer and the cold started to chill down my spine.

          Maybe she's asleep? Maybe her parents are home? Maybe she's out of town? My hand stopped just before I could press the button. I was trying to push it but I was held back, held back because I feared the worse. All I could do was to turn around and walk away, how pathetic. After all that tough talk about bringing you back and second chances, I'm just a coward stricken with cold feet.