Fragile

Chapter 4

I kicked a pebble under my foot, Grayson's shoulders rubbing against mine. "Have you finished unpacking yet?" He asked me.
"No," I didn't say anything about how he's seen my room, talking about that felt like talking about a different world. Talking about it felt wrong, it was a moment from a movie or a book. If I talked about it, I'd ruin it.
"Are you going to put any posters up or anything? You know, make it your own?"
"I don't think so," I thought back to the bare walls of my room. "I don't know what I'd put up," I sighed.
"You know what?" He smiled at me. "Come to my room and I'll give you some ideas," he smiled.
"Okay but only if we do homework," I told him.
He groaned. "Why? What's so special about homework?"
"I want to go to a good school and have a good future," I told him.
"It's so stupid, how we all just plan for the future, but in reality we never know when we'll just die," he shook his head.
"Maybe that's why we do it. Maybe we throw ourselves into the future because we can't think about the fact that we could all disappear," I added to his complaint.
His green eyes were focusing on the sidewalk in front of him. "But that's stupid. We should enjoy the present instead of work to the future. We are all suffering," he told me.
"Okay whatever. I'm not dying anytime soon and neither are you so why don't we just do our homework," I suggested. "Also, we are not all suffering. I don't know about you but I had a piece of cake in my fridge this morning. My breakfast has been the highlight of my day."
"I thought the highlight of your day was talking to me." He pouted jokingly.
"Food beats all."
He laughed. "Okay fine we'll do homework."
I followed him up the front steps of his house. I sent a quick text to my dad to tell him I'm studying at Grayson's house and that he shouldn't worry if I'm not home. Grayson took his key out of his pocket and roughly shoved it into the keyhole. He spun the key and opened the knob.
He pushed the door open as I smiled. "Mom I'm home!" He shouted.
"Don't forget to take your shoes off, last time you tracked mud in the house!" He took of his shoes and I unlaced my converse.
He met his mother with a kiss on the cheek. I smiled in front of them, not exactly sure what to say or do. His mother looked up at me and I smiled.
A sprinkle of recognition sparkled across her face. "Alexandria!" She ran over and hugged me.
"Hi Mrs. Hunt," I spoke through the bone crushing hug.
"I haven't see you in so long," she let go of me and gushed at my face. "You've become so beautiful!"
"Thanks," I blushed, remembering what Gray said to me in the dark. When nobody could hear:
I knew you were pretty when we were younger, but now, You are seriously beautiful.
How could I ever forget those words?
"Here, come have some cookies!" She dragged me into the kitchen. I looked down at her mouth watering oatmeal raisin cookies. She always made the best cookies and I always ate so many of them.
"Thanks, you always make the best cookies," I said, picking one up and taking a bite out of it. "See Grayson, another highlight of my day," In pointed the cookie in his face.
I closed my eyes and resisted the urge to groan. The cookie was delicious, as always.
"You should try her chocolate chip ones," Grayson suggested.
"I remember those! Oh they were so good!" I thought back to the taste of the warm, gooey chocolate melting on my tongue. The warmth and comfort the cookie brought me was like a whole new world.
"My mom baked some," Gray said.
Mrs. Hunt flowed to the oven in her apron and took out a new batch of chocolate chip cookies. My nose came to life, the smell of the chocolate springing my senses to life.
"Be careful! It's hot!" She warned me.
I nodded as she took a mitten and a spatula out of the cabinets lining the kitchen.
She handed me a cookie and I smiled at her. "Thanks," I placed the warm cookie on my tongue and flavors danced across it. The chocolate chips melted, leaving a savory taste in my mouth. I smiled as I ate the next bite. "These are amazing Mrs. Hunt. Have you ever thought of opening a bakery?"
"Oh sweetheart, thank you. I really do love to bake but I'm not sure I could handle all those people," she smiled.
I sent a smile back.
"Want to go do homework?" Grayson asked me.
I turned to him. "5 seconds ago you didn't want to do homework," I crossed my arms.
"Yeah well five seconds ago I wasn't losing cookies to some new girl," he teased.
I rolled my eyes, a small smile playing on my face. "Fine we can do homework."
"Okay let's go do it upstairs," we walked up the stairs, lugging our backpacks up with us. When he opened the door and stepped into the room I smiled.
His walls were a light blue, he had a dark colored frame under his bed. His comforter was a navy blue, a few pillows were thrown on top of it. He had a few things on the floor here and there, but overall, it was clean. He had a small desk tucked in the corner, a small chair under it. He threw his backpack on the floor and fell into the chair.
"So this is my room," he said. "Make yourself at home."
I laughed.
He looked into my blue eyes and I stared back into his green ones. We stayed like that,my heart started to beat faster and faster until it spun out of control. But he was still looking at me. And he was still not making a single sound. I couldn't look away, something about this felt like a trance. I couldn't speak, my tongue was twisted. A feeling petrified my stomach, I felt as if my body had flown into panic mode.
My cheeks flushed and my body finally moved, my eyes shot down to my feet and I cleared my throat. "So, homework?"
His gaze dropped, and his eyes, sparkling green, seemed so colorless and devoid of emotion. I wanted him to look at me like that again, but I ruined it. I ruined the moment. With a snap of my fingers it was over.
"Yeah, homework." He turned his chair to his backpack and took out his binder. "Calculus first?"
"Sure," I sat down on the bed next to his chair. I took out my folder and searched out my worksheet. I pulled it out and we got started.

"But that doesn't make any sense," Grayson hissed.
"It only doesn't make sense because you never pay attention," I scolded him.
"I pay attention," he defended.
"If you paid attention then you'd know the answer to this problem," I rolled my eyes.
"It's not like I have the answer memorized!" He shouted.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
"You're so cute when you're mad," I opened my eyes and looked at the smile on his face.
"Unlike you," I smiled. "Can you please focus."
He smirked and looked back down at his sheet that was identical to mine.
Why was he so against focusing on the future? Why didn't he want to worry about it? Why was it that he got out of it, why'd he think it wouldn't affect him? He always acted like the future didn't matter to him, but why?
What was going on with him? Why didn't he care about the future? The things he said, like he knew we would all just fall apart and none of this would matter. Maybe it wouldn't. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe we'd all just disappear and everything will be exactly the same, because we aren't anything. We are just tiny humans, tiny stupid humans who fall apart and break, fragile pieces of flesh and bones that snap and collapse. What's the point of it all? What's the point? Maybe Grayson's got it right. Maybe there isn't a reason, maybe there isn't a point to it. Maybe we all ruin our lives by searching for the future. If so, why be part of a life already ruined? Our fragile lives are already stained by societies dirty hands, so what's the point? Why are we here? What are we here for? Why are we searching for the future, why not just look in the present. Why live to die, why not live our lives? Why's this world so twisted and broken and cracked, why can't we fix it? Why do people suffer, why are things stolen and taken and broken? Why is everyone falling apart, why's everyone crumbling? Why's everything so corrupt?
Why?
RINNG
My thoughts were interrupted when my phone began to wail. I grabbed it off the bed next to me and answered the phone.
"Hello?" I spoke into the phone.
"Dinners ready, unless you want to eat at Grayson's," my mom said. A faint sound of running water and dishes bumping into each other echoed in the background.
"I wasn't planning to, so I'll come home," I told her.
"Grayson can come over and have dinner with us," she suggested.
"I can ask," I told her. I brought the phone down to my chest. "Gray, wanna come eat dinner with us?"
He nodded. "Sure."
I put the phone back to my ear. "He's coming. Thanks mom, see you soon."