The Unwanted (Completed)

Chapter 13

"Where the hell did you go, baby?"

Napasinghap ako ng marinig ang boses niya. I suddenly felt something rushing on my veins. Tila nawala ang mabigat na pakiramdam sa puso ko. His husky voice calm me down and in the same time excites me. May ibang epekto ang boses niya.

"J-jaycee.." I don't know what to say. It is like, my mind clouded with all black. Nawala ang lahat ng laman ng utak ko, I suddenly felt blank. Is it because of his damn voice?

"Kahapon pa, noong nakaraan pa kita tinatawagan. Pinuntahan pa kita diyan. Nasaan ka ba, Hatey?" Ramdam ko ang pag-aalala sa boses niya. Pero ano nga ba ang sasabihin ko? I thought it is Ate Aliah who called! Pag-iisipan ko pa dapat ang sasabihin kay Jaycee but now, ano ang gagawin ko? I'm not ready. Shit!

"J-jaycee.." I uttered.

"Damn it, Hatey. Would you just say my name again and again? Damn! I am so fvcking worried tapos puro gan'yan lang ang sagot mo? Matutuwa sana ako kung sa ibang pagkakataon na bukam-bibig mo ang pangalan ko, but not this time. Explain now," his demanding voice linger on my ear. I bit my lower lip as I think hard.

Alangan sabihin kong 'kinulong ako sa bodega ni Mom matapos niya akong bugbugin' di ba? Hays, this is so frustrating.

"Ahm...ano.." Tumikhim ako at napapikit nang walang maisip na dahilan.

Kainis, lutang pa ako. Na-didistract kasi ako, paulit-ulit na nag-eecho ang tawag niya sa akin. Baby. What an endearment! Nakakakilig! Damn it Hatey, this is not the right time to think about that!

"I'm waiting..." Aniya sa kabilang linya. Bumuntong-hininga ako saka kumalma.

"I'm sorry, Jaycee. But I can't tell you. Family matter," saad ko.

I can't lie to him, that's why I will just keep it as a secret. But damn it, I feel like I'm cheating. Pero ayokong madamay pa siya sa problema ko sa pamilya. Marami na siyang nagawa para sa akin at ayokong may dagdag isipin na naman siya. And I don't want him to pity me, ayokong magalit rin siya kila Mom.

I heard him sighed. "You let me be your bestfriend Hatey.." Naramdaman ko ang pagsikip ng dibdib ko sa sinabi niya. Bestfriend. "But still, I can feel that you are far from me. You still isolate yourself from me." Ramdam ko ang tampo sa boses niya. Napapikit ako nang mariin.

I'm sorry Jaycee. I just can't, dahil alam kong pag may sinabi ako sayong isa, lahat ng sama ng loob, lahat ng sakit ay masasabi ko na sayo. And I'm afraid that I can't take it, that I might break down. Nararamdaman ko ang sakit araw-araw, but I can't still accept it all. Ayokong hukayin pa ang lahat. I'm afraid that it will fasten my life. Because seriously, pagod na ako. Pero wala pa rin akong lakas ng loob. Na magbahagi. Na isuko ang lahat.

"I-im s-sorry..." I suppressed my sob as hard as I can. I'm being emotional again. Napahawak ako sa tapat ng dibdib ko.

Paano kung ayoko pang sumuko pero ang puso ko na ang sumuko. Dapat ko na bang sabihin kay Jaycee? Maybe it will lessen my pain right?

"I'll drop the call..." I frozed when I heard his cold voice. I heard the 'toot' sound meaning he ended the call. Mapait akong ngumiti at umiling. Is he mad? Did Jaycee already give up? But can't blame him. He treats me as a friend, bestfriend. Yet I am still building a barrier, a wall that is tall, erect and strong between us.

Did I already lose a person who truely love, care and value me? And it's really my damn fault!

I cried hard, harder. Nakakainis, dahil sa issue ko sa pamilya ako mismo ang nagtaboy kay Jaycee. And this time, ako na ang may kasalanan.

I don't know for how long did I cry. Basta alam ko ay humupa na ang luha ko, tanging hikbi na lang at pagsinok. But the pain just increase habang tumatagal. Pinunasan ko ang mukha ko saka lumabas ng kwarto.

I slowly walk downstair saka pumunta sa kusina para uminom ng tubig. Naninikip ang dibdib ko, malamang sa sobrang pag-iyak. And drinking water may ease my heart who is beating so fast.

Sunod-sunod kong ipinikit ang mata ko nagbabaka-sakaling mawala labo nito. Baka mabunggo ako, I didn't wore my contact lens. And without it, my vision is so blurry. Nearly blind.

Napahinto ako nang may makitang nakaharang na bulto sa may hagdan paakyat. Pinasingkit ko ang mata ko, but I can't see him clearly. The light reflects a dim light, that's why. Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa taong iyon at pinakatitigan mabuti. His built is familiar.

Malabo ang mata ko noon pa, pero habang tumatagal ay lumalala kaya pataas rin ng pataas ang grado ng contact lens ko.

"Kuya, ikaw ba 'yan?" Tanong ko. But I think he's not. Mas matangkad si kuya at malaki ang katawan. The guy in front of me is tall and has a healthy figure but halatang halos ka-edad ko lang siya base on the structure. I gasp when the a guy with the same structure entered my mind...

"J-jaycee? Ikaw ba 'yan?" Tanong ko. Hindi ito sumagot at nanatiling tahimik. I don't know if he's staring at me. Itinaas ko ang kamay ko saka hinawakan siya sa balikat pataas sa leeg. My hand trailed on his stubborn jaw up to his cheeks. I felt dumb while doing it, I felt like blind. Para akong bulag na nangangapa sa dilim. But the reality is not, I'm not blind, just a very blurry vision.

"B-baby.." My eyes widen at naramdaman ko ang pag-init ng mata ko. It's Jaycee! I throw all my inhibition and hug him so tight, like I don't want to let him go. And yes, I don't want to let him go, I don't want him out of my life.

"J-jaycee..." Parang batang isinubsob ko ang mukha sa dibdib niya. Napaiyak akong muli. Akala ko wala na akong iiiyak pero madami pa pala. And this cry is full of emotions. Longing, sadness, fear..mixed emotions. And I can't name them all.

He hugged me back, with the same tightness. And it feels so comfortable, warm and securing. Pakiramdam ko ay nakahanap ako ng kakampi. And that is Jaycee, my Jaycee.

"Hush now baby, why are you crying again..hmm?" He softly whispered on my ears. Umiling ako saka lalo siyang niyakap.

Damn it. I realized many things.

I love him. I know that's not new...

But I love him so much, damn much that losing him will be the total destruction and death of my heart.

*****

Supladdict<3